How To Write A Detective Story
(plan your story using post-it notes first)
To begin with, you should introduce your characters. How many people are going to be in your story? Give their names and ages and some information about them.
Then, you should write about the setting. Where does your story take place? In the morning? At night? At a school or at the beach? Somewhere scary or somewhere fun?
Next, talk about the mystery or problem. Is there a strange sound, a missing object, a broken window or a lost possession? Introduce a red herring. Use all of this information to give your story an interesting title.
Finally, add in the clues that will help your characters and the person reading your story figure out what is going on. The problem needs to get solved at the end of the story.
Year 6 Blog 
Creeping in the midnight corridors.
Hi, I’m Caroline an ordinary 11 year old. This is my brother Ben. He is 6 years old and loves to play but that is the problem. I live with my mum and dad, Steve (dad) Sophie (mum). Everyone says our neighbours are weird. I don’t think they are. They may be a bit loopy here and there but i go round to their house, when mum isn’t home. We never get anything new. We can barely afford the weekly shop.
We live on a dark, gloomy street. It does get a bit scary sometimes. There is a school just down the road that is my school. It is really nice there, lovely teachers, great pupils. Ben goes to a primary school just down past the corner shop near the skate park. The reason why i can only go to my neighbours house when mum isn’t home is because he has been in trouble with the police. I don’t know why though. Whenever i go round to see him he always asks me what i have always wanted. I say “i want a teddy unicorn; Ben wants a teddy robot.”
Until the next day everything was going fine. I woke up to my mum and dad staring out the window at all the police cars at my school. The only good thing about it was i didn’t have to go to school but dad had to call work to say he couldn’t make it so he could look after me. Mum still went to work and took Ben to school on the way. Ben found it unfair. I got ready, me and dad went down to my school to see what had gone on. Someone had broken into the school and taken all the charity money that we had raised. It could only of been someone as poor as us that stole it but every one around here had a lot of money. Then it came to me, It can’t be…
Thinking back, what have you always wanted? If only i had more money to get you what you always wanted. He had been in trouble with the police. I told my dad i was going back to the house and he should stay there to find out more. I ran towards the house but instead of going home i went and banged on my neighbours house and shouted, “it;s me, let me in!”. No answer. Then i thought if the police got there really quickly then he would of had no time to escape. It is a massive school and very easy to get lost in. He must still be creeping about in the corridors.
Then the sniffer dogs went in. I went inside my house and watched through the windows. Time went by but about an hour and a half later Someone came out the building in handcuffs. To my horror it was my neighbour. You should of seen the look on my dads face. The next day when i went back to school everyone was a bit nervous but we got back to shape in no time. Dad always says you should never steel because you will always get caught out.
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Working hard Charli. Great effort!
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Wow Charli, a fast response!
Well done Charli, excellent use of paragraphs and sentence structures. Be careful with would of and would have. Remember to use a capital I. Can you see a homophone to correct? I enjoyed reading your story, it was a great crime to write about as school is a familiar setting. Can you write another one from the detective’s perspective? Mrs Beesley
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Detective name: Sara
Home owner name (first): Asreil
Home owner name (last): Kuma
Inspector name: Inspector P. Classy
Spain, Jaen: Scene of crime
West center, Martos, out in clearing, south facing balcony where stolen object would be hanging and slightly bent gate at front of house as if opened in a rush and by force.
Evidence: Cloth (goat silk jumper), Blood (slight drop of blood on door and nail where thief apparently got pricked), strand of hair (silver white and medium length and slightly curled).
Stolen object: a golden, quite ancient, dented, plated, initialed frying pan, which was a family heirloom dating back hundreds and hundreds of years.
When the crime took place: 19/03/2001, late noon, 1-2 pm, when fire alarms where heard up towards the city center.
Detective Sara, who had just arrived from the gym, since Sara, who took working out very seriously to keep up stamina for the day’s challenges, had spotted an envelope that had EMERGENCY written on the front and the back. She opened the letter to find out that a robbery had taken place. Detective Sara approached the crime scene with some questions to ask the home owner.
After interviewing the home owner, Inspector P. Classy and the Detective spoke. “Answers?”
“Yes Inspector. When Asreil, the home owner claims, got home, the gate had been smashed and there was a drop of blood on the door. The home owner said he walked upstairs when he says he found a piece of cloth. He then spotted that his “most prized possession” had been stolen. We have the evidence and DNA ready for testing.”
Two late nights in the lab later, Detective Sara exclaimed “Wait a Sherlock’s cape! Didn’t Asreil have a goat silk fleece on when we went to investigate? This is goat silk! And didn’t he say that the gate was bent? It wasn’t force; it was trying to look convincing! This hair is curly and white! Kuma’s hair! And this blood….” A beep made the Detective whip around to the screen. A last name appeared. Kuma. “Well god bless Watson, it was him…
All along!
Wow I really need those glasses. Since I can’t tell he was wearing a fleece.”
Shortly after informing the Inspector, Sara arrested Asreil and he got a sentence of five years for fraud and six years for pranking authorities. Well that concludes the story of The Missing Frying Pan.
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This certainly reads like your other work Bethany. I was hooked at the beginning. I liked the introduction which included details of the key evidence. Great use of an ellipsis to build suspense. I would like to read about another mysterious case involving Sara your detective. Good work. Mrs Beesley
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Super Suspense. Well done.
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Ben is a boy who loves anything to do with being a detective is 11 years old. Ben also enjoys playing football he has blue eyes and quite long hair. Ben has a best friend called Craig. Craig also enjoys anything to do with being a detective Craig also enjoys playing football.
One day Craig and Ben were going to the beach with Ben’s mum. When they arrived they went straight to the cave. Thats where Ben and Craig always used to go as young kids. When they got into the cave they found something that didnt look quite right so we went to tell bens mum but when she came over there was nothing she said your just imagining things but when we got back to were we was sat our picnic bag and bens mums bag had gone.
So straight away bens mu rang the police. They came about five minutes later. when they arrived bens mum told the police exactly what had happened then when the police went to investigate the cave they saw a man with the bag as soon as the man looked back and saw the police he ran. he jumped over the beach gate and ran as fast as he could the police tried to get him but they could not find him so they turned to me and ben and said.” will you go undercover and find him you know what he looks like dont you?”
we replied” yes.” so the next day we went to exactly were he had disappeared and as it was halloween we went trick or treating there but we had handcuffs in our sweet bag and we had a walkie talkie with us so the police could hear everything. when we got to the house we did everything you do on halloween knocked on the door and said trick or treat and he had his hands out to give us sweets and bam the handcuffs were on.we then said to the police weve got him so they came in the police car and sent him to prison.
but the next day he went to the royal magisrates cort turns out he had done this to alot of people so he got twenty years in prison.
the end by alfie
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A good effort, go back and check your second paragraph to address whether it is in first or third person. Go back and check and eliminate any errors Alfie. I will check it again once you have gone back and looked at it.
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Working hard Alfie. Well done
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The Phony Phone Call
Today was February, February 3rd, clean-up Harbourville’s shady pine park. Lots of people visited the park. Lots of people visited during the winter to sled and skate on the pond. Max and his cousin Nina waved goodbye to their friend John as they left the park after helping shovel snow. Now they hurried to their ice-skating lesson. “I’m surprised we didn’t see Kevin,” Nina said.
“I saw his name on the afternoon work list,” Max said. “Guess he doesn’t like to get up early.” Although they could see their breath in the February air, the sun shone brightly, and the cousins welcomed being outdoors.
“I really enjoy the outdoors'” Max said. “You know; my grandfather gave Harbourville the land for the park.”
“My uncle was the expert on pine trees who helped with the original planning,” Nina said. “He told me that as a boy he hated to rake leaves. So when he helped with the park plantings, he chose pine trees because they had no leaves to shed.”
As they reached Miss Nancy’s pond for their skating lesson, they found her almost in tears, facing a group of students. She wiped her eyes as Max and Nina approached.
“One of these three children made a phony telephone call to me before 8 o’clock this morning,” the skating teacher said. “The caller said my mother needed me and I should go to the hospital immediately. Mother lives in Centerville thirty miles away, and when I arrived, she was fine. I was relieved and pleased, of course, but that call made me miss my early morning lessons.”
“How do you know one of these children telephoned you?” Max asked.” Seems to me it could have been anyone.”
“Only these three knew my mother was in the hospital,” Miss Nancy replied, “that’s why I asked them to come here now. I think one of them doesn’t like the cold and would like to quit lessons, but he or she doesn’t want the others to know and laugh.”
“I didn’t do it,” Sue said, as Max and Nina approached the group. “I was babysitting; I am not allowed to use the phone when I’m babysitting.”
“Before 8 o’clock seems early for babysitting,” Nina said.
“I was babysitting my little brother while mum took my older brother, John, to the park. He had to carry heavy snow shovels, so he really needed a ride.”
“What about you, Kevin?” Nina asked.
“Don’t blame me,” Kevin said. “I was helping Gramps clean the barn. There’s no phone in his barn.”
“Do you usually help him so early in the morning?” Max asked.
“No,” Kevin said, “we worked early because we’re both helping out at the park this afternoon.”
“And what do you have to say, Lisa?” Nina asked.
“I’m not guilty,” Lisa said. “I was at the park raking dirty, wet leaves from the snow and putting them in the trash barrels.”
Max and Nina stepped aside to discuss the case, and then Nina faced Miss Nancy.
“We think we know who’s lying, Miss Nancy,” Nina said.
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It has something to do with the weather……hmmmmmm…….
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Super effort. Love your writing Miss D. Well done
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A Joke Too Far
It was a bright and sunny day in July, a perfect day for the world BMX championships, held at Woodward, California, USA. My friend Harry Main was in the final, also in the finals were: Calum Bibby, Drew Bazanzon, Scotty Cranmer and Adam LZ. Only two points separated Harry and Adam from the earlier runs that day.
Scotty and Harry were getting ready for their next runs. Scotty said that he was going to do a backflip. So Harry left his bike next to a ramp and went back to his car to get his camera. Adam spots Harry leaving the skatepark and, to unsettle Harry, Adam decided to play a joke on Harry by hiding his precious bike behind of the old ramp.
Steve Fly, the skatepark owner, had been watching this unfold on his CCTV cameras. Harry returned with camera in hand, asking Scotty where his bike was, Scotty replied,”I don’t know.” In such a panic, Harry and Scotty searched frantically for the bike, as the final was already underway. Adam saw Harry and decided to tell him where he had hid the bike.
Harry was raging with fury, when Adam broke the news to him. So Harry, Scotty and Adam went back to the skatepark and to the old ramp, only to find the old, worn down and partly broken face of the ramp. Yet again Harry went bezerk at Adam. “This is where I left it, I promise you Harry”. Adam had an idea he said, ” lets go and see Steve Fly to look at his cameras and see what has happened”. On the way to Steve Fly’s office, Adam LZ was called over the loud speaker. So Adam left leaving Scotty and Harry to go to Steve Fly’s office.
Knocking on the door, Scotty and Harry asked Steve to check the cameras around the skatepark. But Steve said “the cameras are not working boys”. Harry couldn’t believe that the cameras were out of order. Harry said to Scotty, “let’s get back Scotty so you can do your run”.
“Are you sure Harry?” Harry replied in a sad voice “I’ll be ok, you do your run and don’t forget the backflip”.
As Scotty ran off to do his run, Harry couldn’t face watching him ride. He strolled around the skatepark feeling confused and upset as to why this had happened. He wondered into Steve’s office. There was nobody there, and Harry couldn’t resist having a sneaky look at the cameras on the computer. He was shocked to discover that after Adam had moved the bike, shortly afterwards Steve appeared. Looking shifty and suspicious, he moved the bike behind the office near the wheelie bins.
Acting quickly, Harry ran out of the office to find his bike. There it was, wedged between the two wheelie bins. He grabbed the bike, peddling as fast as he could hoping not to miss his run. He made his run just in time, and Scotty looked surprised to see him, he nearly fell off his bike! After lots of super stunts and tricks, he won the the world championships. Harry was thrilled and overjoyed.
It was later discovered that Adam and Steve Fly fell out years earlier, and Steve wanted to get Adam in more trouble by moving the bike again. When everyone found out what had happened, and how Harry had been tricked, no one went to the skatepark again.
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Lovely use of phrase…watching this unfold, searched frantically. Lovely use of fronted adverbials too. Next step: new speaker, new line.
A really interesting case of sabotage James. Glad to see that cctv caught Adam red-handed.
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like the way u have used phrases
well done James
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Getting better James. Great sentence starters. Well done
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THE MISSING RABBIT
A man called Joe Weller (he liked calling people washing machines) got a friend called Eliot.Eliot goes exploring with Joe.One day ,Eliot came to Joe and said “Could you take care of my rabbit Amy?” because next week I am going to America on holiday. They were good friends. “SURE!” shouted Joe and made Eliot jump.Eliot gave the keys to Joe and Eliot went to enjoy real and amazing trip.
Joe went to pick up Amy but surprisingly she wasn’t in the cage!! Joe, very confused, went home and shouted “WASHING MACHINES!” with a worry. Not too many minutes later, Joe saw his dog, Cal, with a rabbit in his jaw (it was Amy!!!!).Then Joe shouted “give me Amy back you washing machine!”. The rabbit got murdered by Cal. Joe was scared…he was afraid he can lose his friend so…he found an idea. Took Amy, washed her gently and went to put the rabbit back in Amy’s cage. After a couple of days later,Eliot came back from America and went to see his friend. After friendly conversation Eliot became upset and said “you know my friend, something strange happened…I just remember that one hour before I had to go on airport I found Amy dead in her cage so I berried her in the back garden, that was too late to tell you…any way…After I came back home I saw Amy in a cage!!!…” Eliot was shocked and not only him. You can imagine how shocked was Joe too.
Joe told Eliot the truth and them both nearly died by laughing…
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THE NIGHTMARE MURDER!!!
It was a boring, old day liz went home to her old Victorian house were you were guaranteed to hit your head either on the door or the beams above. Liz had been shopping and was slightly cheesed off because there were no weetabix so she went to bed. Liz was dreaming of her favourite song fromone direction when she thought she heard her door, it was an attic room and it had a latch, but they, or it, couldn’t get in.
Her door had a trick to it and if you did not know it then it was almost impossible to open you had to pull the door before opening it or else it was quite hard, some how this rule didn’t seem to come to play as it did open it swung open revealing a monstrosity of a thing ,it looked as though it had just come out of an oil rig and was now looking for dinner she ran past the thing screaming her head off and called the FBI asking for their finest.
Soon, they arrived in a vehicle which looked like a cross between ecto 1 and the delorian. There were four agents, none of whom spoke, they all swarmed past like ants in a nest.
Suddenly they found something, there was an oil mark on the wall about the size of a small dog and a mask on the staircase. Meanwhile, they were inspecting that when one noticed a hole no bigger than a pumpkin full of oil under her bed as though the person knew he shouted oil lodge bedroom so liz went to clear her head if she was dreaming she thought then I want out. she got called back and a note was found that read
I.O.U.
4 million dollars worth of fuel
Kyle lifton
Later that day as the scan had just finished of the thing on the wall – it really was oil. An agent named Brown noticed another clue, the family picture. There were six people: liz, her 3 brothers and her parents about 6 foot 3.
Next was the basement, no one really went there as the tv warned them about killer hamsters taking over your dryer (don’t believe me huh go and check then), anyway in here were 0 lights and 0 windows so they broke out the torches when they decided to go back up they saw…another oily substance on the latch making it impossible to open (yes even more than before.) thankfully it was open and an oil rig uniform was uncovered. surprise surprise it was kyle’s.
Without warning, a face jumped at her…
Wait, her door was open…and if that was open then that meant…
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What is going on? What caused the oil mark on the wall and latch? Remember to use a red herring. Also, use number words for more effect. Mrs Beesley
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Mysterious Happenings
Hi I’m Olly and I am 15 years old and I’m the one who is going to be telling you this adventure began.I live with my older brother Jacob who is 25 and my younger sister Lucy who is 12 years old. Out of the blue my brother received a phone call from our aunt Rebecca and I could tell it was a good phone call because I could see my brother getting excited and when he put the phone down and shouted for my sister Lucy I said “what is it” and he said “no no wait for Lucy”. She was upstairs doing her hair and as I heard her coming down the stairs I got more and more excited. Then he told us what was happening “aunt Rebecca has booked us a barn to stay in for a while” when I heard this news I said to Lucy “come on let’s go and pack” so we both rushed off to pack our bags. That next morning aunt Rebecca was outside waiting for us so she could drop us off. Then Jacob said “aunt Rebecca how have you cut your hand?” She replied “I cut it when I was doing the washing up”
When we arrived at the barn, we grabbed our things and rushed inside. When we opened the door there was a trail of drops of blood along the floor leading to the stack of hay. We dropped our things in fright so Jacob went to look behind the stack of hay and we followed in a line. To our surprise, we found lots of TVs and DVDs stacked up (hidden under loads of hay).
The following morning we went down to the river for a swim, Olly saw an unusual looking man standing there for quite a long period of time. When we got out we made our way back to the barn to have some lunch, we didn’t think anything of that weird man at the time. When we had adventured a bit around, it was time for bed so we got our heather beds and lay still and quiet in the barn.
That next morning, when we went for our morning swim we saw that strange man again but this time with a cut hand. When we got back to the barn there was a hand mark of blood on the window! When we were sat outside we saw the same man again walk past. We realised then that he walks past at least twice a day, but we all just carried on talking and having fun because we had never been on holiday before so we were making the most of it.
When we went for a swim, we yet again saw that same weird man by the river, when we had finished our swim we dried off and discreetly followed him to where he was heading. It was a long way from the river where he was going and way past the barn so we thought there could of been no way that the man had been there. When he went out of sight into his house we walked back to the barn trying to find clues of who has done this and why are all those TVs and DVDs are there.
Early morning, Jacob’s phone rang it was aunt Rebecca checking if we were all ok after a few days in the barn with the blood and mysterious things. We told aunt Rebecca that we were going for a swim at 10 O’clock.
When we were swimming, Jacob suddenly realised what was going on. He told us to get dressed and we quickly raced back to the barn.
We came back early so aunt Rebecca was caught red-handed moving the DVDs and TVs. But what was the blood and the mysterious blood prints and all off that.
After she had been caught she explained to the police that she had to keep these stolen goods here because of that weird man. It turned out that he owned aunt Rebecca’s house so because she hadn’t paid the rent he made her hide the stolen goods in the barn were they were staying.
When They saw that weird man they thought nothing of him doing this but all along he has been playing us all. Suddenly, the police arrived the weird man scarpered and pinned the blame on aunt Rebecca all of the blood drops and the handprints. At the end of that day we were back home safely and the weird man was in custody, so no-one could hurt us.
By EmilyGracePK
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A good mystery Emily. Well done Jacob for solving it. How did he know? Perhaps the phone call gave Aunt Rebecca away. No alibi I suppose. Well done. Mrs Beesley
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Amazing Emily, I was really hooked near the beginning when they found the stolen goods.
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Great work Emily
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Robert ran in with his dad and…
Hi, My name is Kayla and I am just an ordinary twelve year old. We have just moved house to a different village.. There is colourful plants blooming in peoples gardens and long vines going up the houses. I love my new house but all the neighbours say the my next door neighbours are a bit crazy and have committed a crime before. I think they are really lovely people. My mum and dad are called Carol and Ross. On a Saturday my dad goes to work and my mum goes shopping so im left at home. Every Saturday, When my mum and dad are gone, I knock on my next door neighbours door to see if they are in. They are always in so i go in to play with Robert who is the child that lives there. They are really fun and they are very talkative. My mum tells me not to go there though.
There is a little village bank that is very old and dull. People say its haunted. But i don’t believe in things like that. Ive never been to that bank and I don’t want to. It looks scary.
Its Sunday and mum mum suggests that we go to the bank. I don’t! we walk n and there is two cashiers with blue uniform and a red neck scarf, its really small, the wallpaper is really dull and ripped and its very old fashioned! So mum takes some money out of her account and we go back home. Just after we have finished, we go into the living room to watch news, To my shock, the bank down the road has been robbed. It showed CCTV and the news people was asking if anybody recognised the boy and the man. “ROBERT” My mum asked me what i was on about and i explained to her that it is Robert!
We called the local police immediately. They was at our doorstep within two minuets. I told them everything and they went to knock on Roberts door. They all got arrested! But who knows why they did it…
By IZZY.V:)
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well done izzy i like the cliff hanger at the end of your story its amazing well done xx
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Great story Izzy, love the fact you go playing there even when you shouldn’t. I didn’t think that the banks were open on a Sunday?? This could be why they got robbed the cashiers could have sent in on the job? 😀
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M.I.A.
(MISSING IN ACTION)
Phillip Coutinho was a man that played for Liverpool fc, number 10 and was recovering from a broken ankle injury. During a football match against Manchester UTD, Philip went down to the changing room to get into his kit, meanwhile Zlatan Ibrahimovic was not where he was meant to be, on the bench !!!
Phillip did not come up for about 10 minutes and that’s when the security guards decided to go and check if he was alright. But no, he was not alright, he was gone. The match was paused, everyone was looking for Phillip and everyone was claiming that it was Zlatan but Zlatan denied everything. It was time to get a real detective on the case!!!
The detectives name was J. Mecurial and within seconds of his arrival, the questioning began.
He started his investigations on the bench, the last place that Philip had been seen before he went down to the changing rooms.
There, Detective Mercurial made a small yet significant discovery, the drinking bottle that belonged to Phillip.
It had been drank from but there was evidence that the bottle had been tampered with as there was a strange smell from within the bottle, a smell that Detective Mercurial knew very well.
” I believe that the drinking water in this bottle has had a substance mixed with it” said the Detective ” I have investigated a case similar to this before and suspect foul play is at large here!” exclaimed the detective.
“Foul play?” Shouted the referee reaching for his yellow card
“Take it easy ref!” responded the detective “I don’t mean a football foul, I am referring to a far more serious act of foul play, sabotage!”
Everybody looked at the detective in shock.
One by one each player dropped the drink bottle they were holding.
“I will gather all the bottles and send them to the laboratory for further investigation, but in the meantime it is my main priority to find Mr. Coutinho!” said the detective “I must now move my investigation to the last known place that Phillip was, the changing rooms”
The detective, followed by the manager, the assistant manager and a number of Phillips closest players went down to the changing rooms.
On their way down, they saw the ball boy leaving a store room, his behaviour was very suspicious, the detective also thought this and so went over to speak with him.
“Excuse me young man, may I speak with you for a moment?” asked the detective.
The ball boys face immediately turned very pale
” How may I help you sir?” Said the ball boy.
” I am here investigating the disappearance of one of your players and would just like to ask you a few questions regarding this please?” asked detective Mercurial
” I haven’t seen Philip at all sir, in fact the last time I saw him was on the bench by the pitch when I brought up the teams drinks bottles” he nervously replied
The Detective was quick to reply ” I don’t believe I said which player it was that is missing, why would you say Phillip unless of course you know more than myself?” cleverly asked the detective, ” and you say it was yourself that brought up the players drinks bottles, did you also fill the bottles?” he asked.
The ball boy came clean straight away, by saying that he had been forced to sabotage the bottles by Manchester Uniteds manager, Jose Mourinho
He went straight to Jose to ask him about the bottles. Jose couldn’t get out of it now so confessed and told him that Phillip was locked in the store room in a spare kit bag and the police and medic team came straight away to arrest Jose and get Phillip back to normal!!!!!!!
THE END
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Absolutely loved this Dillon. A very clever plot with a red herring, I thought it was going to be Zlatan. I loved your vocabulary too. A super detective story with many features of the genre. Great work! Mrs Beesley
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amazing story dillon i defiently thought it was zlatan
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Dillon,
This was incredible, I really liked this story and it was well planned out.
* I loved it where the ball boy gave himself away because it was a very clever way to solve the case.
* There was a bit of sly humour when you said Ibra wasn’t on the bench where he belonged.
Wish-
You could have chosen an a different red herring rather than Jose Mourinho – what has Coutinho done to him. It could have been Firmino because he wanted to be the best Brazilian footballer at Liverpool.
It was a fantastic story and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Great comment Thomas. Mrs Beesley
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Great use of complex words, and I Liked the plot of it. The sentences were very advanced. In total I thought it was GREAT⚽️⚽️⚽️😃😃😃
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Theatre Terror
It was a cold rainy day, in the City of London. I thought it was a perfect day to go and sit in a warm cosy theatre. My best friend Morgan, that loved theatre, was playing the leading role of Matilda in the musical Matilda. Morgan was 11 years old with brown bobbed hair and welcoming smile. She liked to perform in front of a large audience. As I walked into the theatre, I felt excited to watch my “bestie” perform. As the curtain opened everyone applauded – I felt proud of my friend!
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” shouted a lady from the back row. Everyone in the theatre turned around to see what was going on. The lady had been SHOT! Everyone sprinted out of the theatre in terror.
Meanwhile, a strange man appeared wearing a black coat and black jeans, he was wearing a badge saying Detective Jones. He walked into the theatre and started to look for clues to try and solve the attempted murder. The detective found muddy footprints that led to a fire exit.
The cast thought these footprints belonged to the local man who often walked the streets dressed in dirty old clothes and smelt like he had never washed. Detective Jones slowly opened the fire exit door to find a box of melting ice cream all over the floor.
Who could it be ? The plot thickened…
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Hmmm what was the motive Ellie? I hope that you have an alibi. Well done. Mrs Beesley
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well done Ellie! I wonder if it has something to do with the box of ice cream? who could it be? …
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Amazing Ellie ;D I love the part when the lady had been shot. It made it more interesting to read.
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Little bro go missing. Tom Tom
It was a sunny over the town of crinkle town in a small house lived the Johnson’s right beside bluebell forest. The Johnson’s were a happy family, Mr Johnson’s was tall and rather jolly, Mrs Johnson was much shorter and wider. They had three children named Luke, Tim and Tom. Luke was the eldest aged 12 and was a clever lad, Tim aged 10 was lots of fun with really curly wild hair. Tom known as “Tom Tom” by his brothers was a grand age of 8. Tom Tom was quite small for his age and rather sneaky yet he knew how to trick his older brothers all the time.
Then one of his brothers decided to play hide and seek in the forest because Mrs Johnson had told them that enough was enough “no more playing on those ipads” go and play outside and get some fresh air whilst its a lovely day. One of the brothers Luke said “ill be it” so for 20 seconds the other 2 children went to hide. Luke started searching for them but he only found Tim after 2 hours of searching amonst the trees and bushes.
Tom had hidden so well and time passed so much that even Mr and Mrs Johnson had started to worry. They decided to go out and look for the boys. They found them in the forrest and was furious about how long they have been out there for. Everyone started searching for Tom but he could not be found they were searching forever. Finally, they found a clue it was Tim’s hat beside a tree.
Everyone thought to start searching differently and started climbing up trees and checking higher ground for him. They were so tired that they left the forest and came back with a few other members of the street.
Eventually, they found Tom high up in the tree claiming he had gone to a place full of talking animals and elf-like creatures that became his friends. Everyone put it down to Tom falling asleep and dreaming all this up whilst waiting to be found.
However, was it really true? did he go to somewhere magical? The boys never came back to the mysterious forest ever again as they were scared in case it happened again.
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A good attempt Leo. I liked the way you used devices to make your writing flow eg: eventually, however and finally. 🙂 Mrs Beesley
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Wow amazing story Leo. I loved the ending were they say it was just a dream but magic is what he believed. Was it true? I hope you can write more stories like this! I really enjoyed it.
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I really like the description of this story
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RING RING!!! Someone was trying to call Terry’s phone, but little did they know if you called his phone at this moment in time it would explode and end Terry’s life instantly.
“Good morning David, what brings you here today?” questioned John (a.k.a Detective Inspector).
“Well sir there has been an almighty explosion in the town square but it it seems three people were killed in this assassination, ten crime scene investigators were sent down to look at the damage and they discovered that the deadly explosion came from a mobile phone. John looked at him in complete shock. “Yes I know, someone had planted explosives in his phone and whenever a phone call would come through BOOM!!!”
“Ok then we better get to work we’ve got a mystery to solve” said John with some enthusiasm.
John and David went down to the crime scene and had a look around themselves. David came across a piece of the phone that was lucky to not be blown to many particles, the SIM card which was from EE was also identifiable so they made another trip down to the nearest EE store.
David went to find the manager whilst John had a close look around. It had been a really long wait, to the point where John could no longer stand, and finally David came back with the store manager and immediately John sprung to life and starting spraying questions at the manager and then finally asked if they had a customer called Terry Sullivan. The manager said yes and then David asked “Did you know who served him?” and the manager said “You’re looking right at him, I have to say I was not pleased to serve him as in the past as…well…I’ll say borrowed £500 and that £500 pounds was not paid off.” “So I guess that’s why you put explosives in his brand new phone and killed him and two others, you were close to getting away with that if that SIM card would have blown up, take him away” demanded John so David called the Police and he got a sentence for life.
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Was his motive that he didn’t pay back the debt James? How did they know it was the manager at the EE store? Did they check his alibi? You could have a red herring in there somewhere and only have the manager appear as a suspect later on. Mrs Beesley
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THIEF!
It was a dark gloomy night and I got a phone call from my Inspector, “Thomas we have had a report of a potential burglary, this is your chance to shine, if you can solve this case then you have a chance of getting a promotion.” Thomas’ boss explained. So there is a thief somewhere. Oh I forgot I’m Thomas Critchley, I’m 22 years old and I work for Greater Manchester Police. I was born and raised in Manchester and I’m proud to help protect the residents of my home city.
First things first I need to head over to the crime scene and speak to the home owners to understand what has happened. The owner of the house is Mrs Wilding, she was at home with her son Adam and her husband was away in Germany working. Once I had introduced myself I got down to business “So Mrs Wilding, I believe you are missing some possessions, is this correct?” Mrs Wilding replied, “Yes, many of my sons’ Xbox games and his Apple Watch…. This is so very upsetting.” I tried to comfort Mrs Wilding, “I know it’s difficult but have you noticed anything else missing from anywhere else in the house? Or is it just limited to your son’s bedroom?” “No,” cried Mrs Wilding, “it’s just in Adam’s bedroom. When we arrived home after shopping I found his window wide open! I shut the window and didn’t think anything of it. Later that night when Adam told me his stuff was missing I remembered the window. The burglar MUST have broken in through that window.” “What is your son’s name and how old is he,” I asked. “My son is called Adam Wilding and he is 10 years old. Please be careful with him, Adam is very scared of his surroundings now and I think he is frightened that someone may come back to rob him again.”
So with the investigation continuing to try and find the thief, I tirelessly collected all the clues and put them together in an attempt to solve the puzzle but something just didn’t seem right. I needed to question Adam, “Adam, can you tell me what you think might have happened?” Adam was very nervous when I asked this question. I tried to calm his nerves by re-capping everything his mum said. Then I mentioned about the open window and he began to cry. Adam then admitted that he had left the window open. He thought he would get in trouble if he told his mum. After reviewing these facts I can see it was just a coincident that the Xbox games and watch had been taken when the window was open. The upstairs window was virtually inaccessible from outside the property. I then asked Mrs Wilding if there was CCTV at the house. “Yes but it is very old and it probably won’t work anymore,” Mrs Wilding worryingly said. I asked Mrs Wilding for a copy of the CCTV files so I could take them away and review in detail back at the station.
After hours of watching the CCTV videos, I finally had a breakthrough. The day before the break in, I noticed someone sneaking through the house whilst everyone was at home, it was a small child like figure. I just hoped this new evidence would solve the mystery. I invited Mrs Wilding and Adam to the Police Station, to help identify this suspect from the footage. When I showed Mrs Wilding the picture she was shocked. She raised her hand, gasped and covered her mouth in disbelief… she answered, “That’s Luke! Adams best friend. It can’t be…. he is always so sweet and polite when he comes round.” This was great news, I finally had a positive identification and a suspect, “Thank you for this information Mrs Wilding, I will invite Luke to the station to answer some questions.”
Days later my Inspector called me, “Great work Thomas, case over! That kid Luke admitted that he was the thief. Looks like you have chance of getting this promotion after all.”
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Great work Thomas, I liked the tone and flow of your story. Can you get in a cohesive device I wonder? Well done. Mrs Beesley
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The case of the dead MI6 worker by TheBoy
“Mr Hunter! Please can your help me with this situation?” pleaded junior detective, Joseph Melode.
“What is it about?” questioned Mr. Hunter.
“It is about the murder of Mr Jones.”
“I have no matter in a murder!” replied Mr Hunter, who preferred a more interesting case to solve.
He stood up and walked to the door. But, before he could, Joseph stood up and interrupted, “But he was at your school!”
They were talking in Hunter’s interrogation room, where Morgan Hunter lives.
20:15h, Charity Studio, Middle of Dartmoor National Park, UK.
It was foggy and everyone had stayed at an old 19th century stately home. And that was where the murder was. Police cars and vans were parked around the big, creepy house.
“So, where is the murder?” wondered Mr. Hunter.
“In this room right……..”
“Sir we need your ID first,” said a policeman interrupting Joseph. Without stopping, Mr. Hunter pulled out his ID card and walked straight into the room. There were drawings on the floor and markers everywhere.
“…. and the main suspect is philanthropist Mr Buffett, Warren Buffett, friend of Bill Gates” called out the first officer of detectives.
Mr Hunter looked around at the markers.
Glass on the floor indoors.
Aluminium and lead found inside of the body.
Scabs on the body.
Blood in the toilet.
An axe gone missing.
Wine glass smashed.
Mr Hunter was now looking at the glass smashed up inside. He found an amazing find of feathers pinned to the glass. Picking them up, with gloves, he put them into his brand new detective note-pad. “On the day that Mr Jones was killed where was Mr Buffett?” asked Mr Hunter.
“ He went to the toilet… the blood.”
“Find the DNA of it now!” barked Hunter.
The DNA was actually the blood of Mr Jones.
“Let me investigate the bathroom” said Hunter.
“Brrrr!” whimpered Melode, “Boy, it is cold”
“Hhmmmm…too cold”.
Scanning the area, he found some muddy footprints and a tiny window open.
“That is strange. Very strange!”
“Miss Gladstone!” Where were you on the night? interrogated Joseph.
“Is this your case or mine?” asked Morgan Hunter to Joseph, “now Miss Gladstone, where were you on the night and what were you doing?”
“I was stood on the east side wall serving out drinks,” she said.
“Did you see Mr. Buffett anywhere?’
“Oh yes! He walked up and down with poor Mr. Jones who had that blood on the knees of his trousers….”
“WHAT?!” shouted Hunter and Joseph at the same time.
“Ooh yes and for some reason Mr Buffett brought a guitar case into the bathroom.” she continued.
“That’s it! Solved it! Thank you for your time, Miss Gladstone, you may leave,” ordered Mr. Hunter.
“Oh, thank you!” said Miss Gladstone, happily.
“Why, what is it?” wondered Joseph.
“Lead, aluminium, feathers, and something to hide in a guitar case….” continued Hunter.
“A bow and arrow! So that’s the murder weapon!” said Joseph in surprise.
“I’ll see you tomorrow – bring your gun, you may need it,” said Hunter as he walked into the fog….
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Ok. I got half way through and was flummoxed to say the least. Feathers? Lead? What has happened…..so Buffett was the murderer, but why? What was the motive? Can we get a second instalment?
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“HELP, HELP ” screamed the First Lady, “HELP”.
Detective Clinton assessed the crime scene. Trump was lying face down surrounded by books, he was cold and lifeless he had been there for hours. He was trying to determine if this was an accident or murder.
Trump had many enemies, the just was endless. Just then the pathology report came through confirming MURDER. Detective Clinton began to put together a list of suspects whilst the CSI bagged all the evidence. The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head.
All the books were fingerprinted and tested for blood but all came back negative. The books were placed back on the shelf in order, only then did Detective Clinton realise that number 28 Encyclopedia was missing…… Could this be the murder weapon?
Suspects:
Hilary Clinton
The first lady
Barack Obama
The maid
Each suspect was interviewed, Hilary and Barack both had alibis and we’re free to go. The maid was interviewed last and she too had an alibi for the night in question, detective Clinton had to check the CCTV.
The morning after he arrived at the White House to question the maid further. The first lady showed him to her room. He opened the door and there she was reading the missing Encyclopedia!!
Detective Clinton had the book taken to forensics for further testing. The book had trces of hair matter and blood that matched trump also traces of nail polish. The maid was questioned once again and it came to light that the CCTV confirmed her alibi. Detective Clinton then asked why she had the book in her possession. The maid advised that the First Lady had given it to her to read up on facts about previous presidents as they would be attending the White House and she would need to know things about them.
The forensic team took swabs from her nails which proved negative also, she was not the murderer. Detective Clinton was getting frustrated at this point and decided he would take another look around the White House. In the first lady dressing room he found cotton balls with nail polish remiver, the DNA proved conclusive. The First Lady was the killer.
It turns out that they had been arguing over what to have for dinner, Chinese, Italian or Indian? They couldn’t decide, things got rather heated and she admitted to picking up the Encyclopedia and bashing him over the head with it.
The End
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Great that you had alibis Tom, which was one of our key features on the working wall. Hmmm, had my brain in overdrive when I read about the encyclopaedia. Your motive made me smile, of all the things to disagree about. Mrs Beesley 🙂
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The Lost Labrador
There was a girl called Lucy and she had a dog called Sparky. Lucy lived in London with her mum and dad.
One very dark night, a mysterious man with a gun and a black mask went into Lucy’s house and snatched Sparky from his kennel.
Early in the morning, Lucy woke up and went to see Sparky and found him gone.
“Sparky…SPARKY!” Lucy rushed upstairs to her mum and dads room, ” Sparky’s gone! Sparky’s gone!”
Her mum and dad dashed down stairs to check his kennel,
“He really is gone” said mum.
Dad phoned 999 and told them to come to the house straight away.
The police came round and we told them what happened…
They started Looking for clues near Sparky’s kennel. Meanwhile a detective found a black mask on the grass, “I will take this back to the station and we will analyse the clues we have found and try to find out who the owner of this mask is then I will arrest him”.
Three days later the police rang and said the man who stole sparky had stole many other dogs inthe past few weeks and had also left clues at the other houses including fingerprints.
we looked at all the evidence and this pointed towards a well known dog thief we have now arrested him.
Lucy was very happy. She went to the police station with her mum and dad to pick Sparky up.
Finally they arrived at the police station and she saw sparky, “SPARKY!!” Lucy was very,very happy to have him back.
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They or we told the police? Just go back and check for errors Emily. Dastardly Dog-Napper! 🙂 Mrs Beesley
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I am glad that Sparky came to no harm. Read through your writing and look at how it changes from them to we. Maintain one perspective Emily. Good use of a cohesive device. Mrs Beesley
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One foggy night, a lady named Sophie was walking home from the Jewelry shop where she had bought a ring. Suddenly a mysterious man appeared from the shadows grabbed the ring from her bag without her realizing. When Sophie got home, she realized it wasn’t there so she rushed to the police station.
A policeman took a statement about what happened and went to investigate, first he went to the shop where the ring was bought to look for clues, he spoke to the owner of the shop Mr Jones who said he remembered selling the ring but had nothing else to say, the police man thought that was strange and noticed the man had a rip in his jacket.
He then checked on the road where Sophie walked home and found a card with the name of the shop on it, he also interviewed some of the local residents who lived in the area and they reported seeing a mysterious man lurking in a dark alley, the police had taken several reports over the past few weeks similar to this in different areas of the town concerning items of jewelery being stolen from people walking home alone.
The policeman searched the area around the alley and found a piece of cloth hanging from a fence which looked like it had come from a coat.
The policeman then took it back to the station to analyse it and found fingerprints and dna evidence on it that matched other items found in other locations when this had been reported before.
The policeman recognised the piece of cloth was the same from the jacket owner of the shop Mr Jones and went arrest him and took his fingerprints, the police found that all the evidence matched. Mr Jones had been selling jewelry to people and then followed them home to steal it so he could sell it again………
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Well done Charlotte, you have thought about your plot. Isn’t he a scoundrel! Remember to leave a line between your paragraphs. Mrs Beesley 🙂
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Lovely vocabulary Charlotte for the genre eg: lurking, mysterious. What a crook! Go back and see if you can improve your sentence structure in paragraph 3. Mrs Beesley
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Great story charlotte! 😀
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The rollercoaster sabotage of doom
“shhhhhh! Quiet. You’ll get us caught you idiot!”
“What? You’re the one who dropped the spanner you numbhead!”
“Well how was I supposed to know that you were gonna spin round so flippin’ fast?” Bob was fed up of all this illegal crime. He always had been. Bob Stringman was Rick Johnson’s assistant. They were the owners of Blackpool Pleasure Beach. It was 01:00am and it was pitch black in Alton Towers which was good for Rick and Bob as they were sabotaging the ride Galactica. They were doing it to get more people at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. The perfect crime.
“News flash! A ride in Alton Towers has been sabotaged. We have no witnesses or suspects or evidence to help us find the criminals. The ride will cost millions of pounds to repair. We have a quote from the manager.”
“If nobody owns up, we will find you.”
“That is all for today, goodbye.” When the news ended, Will Traynor reported to the police station to tell them that he was on the case.
Will Traynor was a detective. He had been with the Staffordshire Police Department since he was eighteen. It was what he had always wanted to do. He would have this case solved in no time. First he checked the CCTV, then he checked for fingerprints. From what he could find, he suspected that it was a worker from Thorpe Park.
Will texted his suspicions to his assistant, Dave, only Dave had left his phone at home.
“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed Julie “Thorpe park has tried to sabotage Alton Towers!” Julie was Dave’s new girlfriend. She texted her friend and in an instant the news was out.
“Yes?” said Will answering his phone, oblivious to the scandal he had accidentally caused.
“Will, it’s Dave, we have a problem”. Dave explained what had happened with the text but this was not the only problem. The CCTV images had been analysed again, and the suspects were actually from Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Will was in trouble.
“Sacked?” cried Will.
“Yes” said the Chief “We can’t afford to have mistakes like this happening Will. What an embarrassment. Texting accusations is never the way. You know that. Someone has to pay the price and that someone is you!”
The next day, the criminals were arrested and charged. The town went back to normal and everybody, except Will Traynor, was happy.
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Prologue
Inside the modern mansion sits a man with long blond hair and a bulky body shape, looking at wigs on the internet. This man is one of the richest men in the world (yeah right) and he is one of the most famous men on the planet. He is Donald Trump.
Trump often sits in his office thinking about all the money he owes to amigos.com from loans. But this time it is quite different. This little tweeting monster has gone from host of the Apprentice to President-Elect. As he goes through his speech In his head, muffled voices come from outside. Trump ignores them. As he thinks about his inauguration tomorrow a man climbs in the window armed with a slim Berretta, equipped with a silencer so they would never know if he had to shoot. The man had no intention of killing the man, because that would lose him twenty-five million pounds. His client had specifically asked for him not to be killed when he was captured but if anyone was alerted to his appearance then by all means shoot him but that would dock twenty-five million pounds off the final payment. As the man placed the gun on Trump’s neck, the businessman slowly turned around to find himself being gagged by an oily sock and dragged through the open window.
Location: S.N.A.K.E HQ, Bangkok
Date: 19.01.17
“Welcome to this very special meeting of S.N.A.K.E.” The man speaking was Major Yu, an elderly Chinese man who was the head of the organisation. He was formerly in the military but decided he could earn much more working as a major criminal. “As you may well know, Mr Donald J. Trump is going to become the President of the United States of America. A client, who wishes to remain anonymous, has approached us to ensure that Trump doesn’t attend the inauguration whatsoever. We need to send someone in as an impostor to take office for a while, until they get found out and then we will blackmail them for one billion U.S dollars if they want their President Elect back.”
“With all due respect sir, how are you going to pull this off. For starters, how are you going to kidnap the President Elect?” The woman speaking was Julia Rothman, a woman who had been with S.N.A.K.E from the very beginning. “He is now in Washington and his place of residence is just as well guarded as the White House. Secondly, you’ll need Trump’s ID, voice and looks. Enlighten me on how you are going to do this.”
Her attitude made him want to whip out his Berretta and shoot her right then but he restrained himself. “Mrs. Rothman, last night Mr Kursk, who wasn’t able to attend this meeting, and a selection of the Special Operations team captured Mr. Trump while he was at home in New York and our disguised operative is already in Washington with the Trump family. We found someone with Trumps voice and he is in place ready for action.” Yu noticed how all the other five members of the organisation’s board were keeping quiet. “This meeting is adjourned.”
Location: Capitol Building, Washington D-C Time: 11:57am’
“I Donald John Trump do solemnly-“
“Mr President Elect? Are you OK?”
Realisation dawned on the man’s face as Trump fell forward with a blow-dart in his back. Panic spread through the crowd as police sirens tear through the city towards the Capitol building. But it’s too late the person who shot him is nowhere to be seen and Trump is dead. The police are baffled and the FBI and CIA are the same.
Location: Bangkok
The CIA agent in Bangkok had been told to snoop around in a building that was regarded as suspicious. Little did he know that this was the building where Donald Trump was held captive. The man crept in through the fire door and crept down the corridor looking for anything suspicious. He came to a door that said DO NOT ENTER. So he entered.Go figure. This was Donald’s room. S.N.A.K.E wanted him to be alive and well so they could get more money out of him. The door was only open-able from the outside so he couldn’t leave but once the CIA came in, Trump was begging him to take him away. They left immediately but didn’t get very far. They were about 100m away from the door when Winston Yu came running and shouted “Stop or you die!” Yu wasn’t holding a gun so the CIA agent wondered what the man would kill him with. “There is mine under your feet with enough explosives to blast you to smithereens if I said the word of command if I could remember what it is… “RUN!” screamed the agent and they ran for their lives. When they were at the door the man screamed “TEAPOT” which blew up that corridor and sent the agent and Trump flying through the air and they landed in a bush. They were hurt. They were scarred. But they were alive…
Yet the two of them had no idea of what was going on the other side of the world. They didn’t know that the United States of America had entered a three day period of mourning. They didn’t know what was going on at all. But then again, the United States of America didn’t know what had just happened in Bangkok…
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I am hoping that this is the second edition Thomas. Let me know and I can remove it for the updated version. Mrs Beesley
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Well done Thomas, I was really interested who killed Donald Trump. I enjoyed reading your blog and I would like it to be a whole book! It sounds amazing. I wish there was a part 2!
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Hi,I’m Alice a normal ordinary 12 year old girl. I live with my mum, my dad and my little 4 year old brother Joe . To be honist hes really annoying sometimes. WAIT wait!! he’s not sometimes annoing hes always annoying!!! anyway where I live is quite boring and all the neighbours are really really weird but you know i just have to deel with it. I have 0 friends at the moment because we have just moved town I have nothing to do because every is STILL in boxes and its been like two days.
Today mum and dad went shopping and of course joe went with them which is is amazing because I have now got peace and quiet for at least an hour. I went down stairs to watch tv and I was watching hollyoaks because its amazing but all of a sudden I heared a really loud BANG!!! To me it sounded like a gun. I rushed to the window and opened the curtains but all I could see was the beautiful blue sky.
Mum, dad and joe came back with loads of bags even joe was carrying a bag but I think that was a bag of sweets for him and ONLY him because he doesn’t share anything with me of course.I tried to tell them about the loud bang but they just thought I was making it up, but when they put everthing away in the cupbords and in the fridge they sat down and started to watch tv and we all heared another really loud BANG!!! “I told you mum I told you!!” I shouted. WAIT!!! mum wheres joe.”oh he’s playing in his room, I think ” she said nervously to me and dad.” JOE!!!” mum shouted but there was no response from him.I went to check if he was there but he wasn’t. “MUM DAD HE’S NOT HERE AND HE’S DEFFINITLY NO WHERE ELSE!!!” I shouted down the stairs to mum and dad. ” OH NO!” mum whispered to her self. “HE’S GONE MISSING!!!” mum and dad shouted at the same time.So we went out looking for him everywhere but we just couldn’t find him anywhere…
We went to the police and mum and dad told them that they had lost their son. The policeman asked what he looked like, how old he was and what had happened that night. We told them everything that had happened that day and we even told every little detail. When we got home we all went to bed but I just couldn’t sleep that night. After about 2 weeks of searching the police came to our door and said they found a boy that was 4 years old and everything that fit the description of joe and he also said that he was at the hospital.So we went to the hospital ASAP to see him. he looked like he had not eaten anything in weeks but of course he has because he would be dead if he hadn’t eaten anything.
After about a week in hospital he was back at home playing with his toys, also the police cought the man that kidnapped joe. we was all very thankful to all the people that had tried to find him, but we are more thankful to the police who found joe and delt with this horrible man.
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What was the man’s motive? What was the loud bang? Go back and read through your work Hannah. Joe needs a capital letter. I think this story has the potential to be developed. Perhaps you could create a red herring. Mrs Beesley
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Awesome story Thomas w but we’re is my part two if only you were an author who was friends with a publisher who had a printer with enough ink to print that beast!!!👌
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Its cool basically tw it’s just 👌
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Michael aged 12 was going to Scotland for holiday when he was stolen from by a thief on a boat. It was at 9:00 am when his mother shouted “come down!” so he did as he was told, his mother gave him a five pound note and two pounds and said “you are going to go Scotland with your auntie give her six pound and ask her for a hanger to put your suit on when you get to hers.”
when I got to my aunties I did as mother had said and asked for a hanger and I put my suit on it and got changed ready to go to the boat, at half past five we got to the boat we was the twenty-fifth people to go on the boat and we had gone straight to our cabins which were across from each other and put our stuff in the cupboards underneath.
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we had gone into the gallery room and we looked at a replica of the Mona Lisa when the lights went off and every body were in shock they must of huddled up in corners and hid behind the sculptures when I felt some thing in my top pocket and my money had gone once the lights turned back on but the man looking at the scream by Edvard Munch had disappeared.
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You can’t leave it there Daemon! I want to know what happens next?
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Who killed Neymar?
On the 12th October 2017 PSG had just 10 minutes left in their game against Barcelona. Neymar went off because Samuel Umiti injured him. Neymar went into the changing room where Messi was standing in the room waiting for him. But when the game finished he walked away. The PSG team walked in to see Neymar lying on the floor…
Then, the PSG called for the best detective in the world Ronaldinho who answered straight away and was devastated to find out that Neymar was dead. The following day Ronaldinho arrived at the PARC des Princes to investigate the scene of the crime. He found that Neymar’s phone had been tampered with, so he put his gloves on so that he couldn’t take the DNA print away. A couple of minutes later, he tested the DNA print, but it just had Neymar’s prints on. The person that tampered must have been smart enough to wear gloves.
He then investigated further but when he asked the guards if anyone went by they just said Messi. Then Iniesta said that they both just went to the changing rooms together and Messi just smiled at him. Whoever, has done this will be hard to find out. Ronaldinho just went for another look and this time there was a bit of a Barcelona badge left on the floor that must mean it was a Barcelona player. Also, the label came of the top and now Ronaldinho had to ask Luis Enrique who would fit, and he said Ter Stegen…
But it couldn’t have been Ter Ste-gen because he was playing the whole match. The question is, is someone hiding something? When Ronaldinho went to ask Ter Ste-gen questions he said he couldn’t have done it because he was in the goal all game. So Ter Stegen definitely did not commit the crime. Then Ronaldinho thought back to when PSG signed Neymar.
Luis Enrique didn’t want him to go, could it have been him that murdered Neymar for going to PSG?
Meanwhile, Ronaldinho was at an assistant’s house and they said that he put a toxic gas into his drink so that it would murder him. Luis Enrique said he had to that because otherwise he would have kicked him of the staff. Ronaldinho thanked him for telling him what had happened. So, he went with some more police officers and they arrested Luis Enrique for a life long sentence. For now, Barcelona won’t exist because the manager killed one of the best players in the world. So now all the Barcelona players must face the consequence as well because of what the manager did. Lionel Messi went to Manchester United, whilst Iniesta retired because he was getting old. But for Ter Stegen he went to Liverpool and so did Samuel Umiti because their defence is the worst in the whole world that’s why they concede so many goals. PSG signed Suarez for a replacement of Neymar’s death.
THE END.
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Excellent use of language features Freddie. Not sure you need your complicated ending. Great use of punctuation.
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TERROR IN THE THEME PARK.
As the door slammed shut and the keys turned the car was moving and ready to go, Ben, James, Harry, and Luke (who were all brothers) had been waiting weeks to go and see Cristiano Ronaldo dribble the ball on stage at the theme park. They parked up in the car park, locked it and walked in through the gate. When they went in they made a shocking discovery…. Everyone was gone. “Were did they all go?” Asked ben. “I don’t.” said harry, to be interrupted by the sound of loud music and air horns. They looked over to the stage as Ronaldo stepped out doing kickups with one shoe lace untied. “Are you ready people to see some professional dribbling!” But he was also bewildered by the fact that everyone had gone.
There was rustling in the bushes behind them and a tall dark shadow crept up. as it stepped into the light and the boys saw it, it was followed by “AAAAAAARRRRRRRR.” until they saw that it was the manager of the theme park. They asked him what happened and he told them. “Everyone left because of a scary murderer that takes anyone he can get his hands on and killed them with his only weapon… a six inch knife. and he has a secret hide out hear somewhere in the theme park. “Well don’t worry manager, we will find the criminal and get this theme park back in business.”
They all split up leaving Ben and James to go and check out all the rides and Luke and Harry to look in the assistant managers office. “Should we go to the roller-coaster?” Asked James.
“No we should go to the merry-go-round.” Said Ben.
“NO! the roller-coaster!”
“The merry-go-round!”
“Fine well I’m gonna go to the roller coaster.”
“And I’ll go to the merry-go-round.” When James walked off without his brother he thought to himself, this is gonna be a piece of cake. I’ll find that murderer in no time at all. Just then he bumped into a man who had one shew lace untied and he was holding a six inch knife in his hand. Before James could do anything a big brown sack was put over him and tied up. He had no idea where he was being taken but he did not dare say anything to him.
Back in the assistant managers office, Luke and Harry had found the charts for how many people come hear and it all dropped in 2011 when whoever the murderer is showed up. Luke also found a paper showing when the new manager arrived and it was 2011. Whoever he was Luke and Harry were set on a suspect.
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Very good Fran, I thought that it might have got gruesome as I read the end of paragraph two thankfully it didn’t. I can see a few mistakes with punctuation and a spelling mistake. Can you edit and revise for me? Great effort. 5DJs
Remember we talked about creating shifts in your writing. How can you do that with this type of writing?
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The case of the broken Lego model!
A crime has been committed!!
A huge model of Egeskov castle, near Odense, Denmark-that has taken years to build- has been wrecked and lying in thousands of pieces all over the floor. WHO DID IT?!?
Samson Christofson, the world famous Danish detective, examined the destruction, searching for clues. On the floor, Lego was scattered everywhere amongst small fragments of shattered glass, and there was a trail of Lego leading out of the room. In the corner of the room, a toolbox sat surrounded by tools. A tube of black poster paint lay spurting paint all over the white, shiny desk. On the carpet, there was a washing basket full to the brim with freshly ironed clothes and the wardrobe and drawers were open.
Sitting at the dinner table, Samson peered cautiously at the suspects in the room. “Hmmmm…” he thought “who could be the criminal?” then, his sharp eyes noticed something. Harry-Jens’s hands were covered in paint. At the crime scene, he remembered, a tube of black poster paint was knocked over. But, just as he was going to announce that Harry-Jens was the culprit Helena asked him “What have you been doing at school today?” He replied “DT. We were using black paint, cardboard and buttons to make a model of a robot. I washed my hands thoroughly but the paint wouldn’t come off.” Harry-Jens was off the list of suspects. Samson made a note in his secret detective notepad.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, the great detective spotted that Tomas’s wristwatch was broken. He asked him “Why was your wristwatch broken?” “I was in your room playing on my Nintendo Switch when I heard a strange noise and I jumped and smashed my wristwatch on the edge of your desk. Then I ran out.” He replied. So Tomas was eliminated from the list. That left only Helena, Jakob and Christof.
Samson adjusted his monocle thoughtfully. He asked Jakob “Have you been playing with Lego recently?” “Yes,” came his reply “I have. I wanted one of my Lego models back that you ‘borrowed’, but a bit broke off it and fell on the floor in the corridor and shattered. I didn’t have time to pick it up because I was busy revising.”
Samson twirled his imaginary moustache as he asked Helena about the pile of washing that hadn’t been put away. Helena showed him her foot which had a large plaster plastered to it “I stood on a piece of Lego in your room before I had time to put your clothes away” she responded “Your room is in such a mess! There was Lego all over the floor! I hope you are going to tidy it up.” Helena got crossed off the list.
Samson polished his magnifying glass as he turned to Christof. “Why were your tools in the corner of my bedroom?” “I was fixing a shelf in your room” Christof replied. “Hmmmm…” thought the legendary detective “it seems that everyone has an alibi.”
Samson was about to give up when he spotted his father’s latest Lego model in the corner of the room. He recognised the unique Lego spires and flagpoles from his model of Egeskov Castle! Now he knew who the culprit was – it was his own father, Christof!
Another case closed by Denmark’s favourite mystery solver, Samson Christofson.
Next week, Samson solves the case of the jelly found in Dad’s shoe.
by Samuel Greeney 🙂 🙂
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577 words in it
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Who killed David Walliams?
‘Breaking news has just come in, that a murder has occurred at the television awards at a theatre in London, involving the death of David Walliams.’ This is what the news reader explained on this morning’s news. This was my job to solve the case…
I hurried down to police station and then was escorted down to the theatre immediately. Once I arrived at the theatre, me and the other detectives were guided by the police into the room of which David’s body was found on the night of the murder. A large pool of blood lay in the centre of the room along with the limp body. The investigation had been taking place in the late hours of last night and the early hours of this morning, long before I had found out. One of our highly skilled detectives told us that the theatre was full that night, but two seats were empty minutes after David had gone off stage after winning an award for best children’s author of the year. These two people were J.K Rowling and Michael Morpurgo… This put me one more step closer to solving the crime.
The next clue I found was a hardback limited edition copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was drowning in the pool of blood and had a knife stabbed into page fifty three. This book was the same book of which J.K Rowling was meant to present to the audience for the best children’s book award. This was very mysterious indeed. Maybe this book was used to kill David Walliams along with the knife.
My mind was whirring with mystery. It must have been J.K Rowling. Not for long was this theory in my head as I had found another clue. This time it was related to Michael Morpurgo. A small penknife lay on the ground with the initials MM on it. I got the police to check the finger prints. It was a match. It also had blood on it. Now it was fifty fifty. Either of them could have done it…
Day became night and the investigation was still active. Hours had passed without a clue. However, in the corner of my left eye, I saw another hardback book. This time it was the War Horse book by Michael Morpurgo. This book was meant to be presented to the audience for most published children’s book award. It was dripping in blood and had a huge dent in it. Maybe this was used to kill David Walliams. David’s makeup artist told me and the police that David was reading the Harry Potter book before he went on stage and when he came off as well. She also said that he was never reading War Horse that night. J.k Rowling’s friend who was sitting next to her explained to me that she was with her the whole time and J.K was only out of her seat because she went to the toilet. She told me that she went to the toilet with her because she needed the loo too.
After going into further investigation, J.K Rowling had an alibi and Michael did not. After a long interrogation with Michael, he finally told us he was guilty. He was arrested on suspicion of murder. After a long day of investigation I had finally cracked the case. The death of David Walliams was caused by Michael Morpurgo, and I had solved this case.
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Great work Harry. I particularly liked your inclusion of an alibi. Your story was well thought out and has numerous features from this genre. I really enjoyed it. Prize Box.
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Mystery through the town…
Slowly trudging along the cold damp carpet floor of the orphanage, Nia was getting ready for bed when she heard Chloe ask her a question. Requesting if they were going to play hide and seek tomorrow, Chloe brushed her teeth. Suddenly, Nia whispered “Yes we can tomorrow.” and went to lie down in her bed looking up to the old crusty roof above her. Quietly, Nia started to talk about the day she had. Then dozed off…
Nia and Chloe were only six, but when Nia was three her dad died in the war, and her mum passed away when she was five. Nia’s mother got an illness called polio which paralysis a person’s body and is a virus, which is also deadly. Chloe never had a mother but sadly when she turned two, her dad had suffered from small pox in 1940. Meanwhile, Chloe got in bed and curled up to the last teddy her dad gave to her before he passed away.
The clock struck twelve and Mrs Cole charged up the stairs, she told the girls that someone had been up passed curfew last night and would have to do the washing this morning. Mrs Cole asked the girls whether they knew who did it. Usually Mrs Cole would do the washing up, but recently she had been going out at night and when Nia asked her to see where she was going, she said that it was not any of the Nia’s business.
Soon Nia was going to have her lunch, before she was able to sit down, she then overheard Mrs Cole on the phone saying that she was going to go tonight. Later on that night, Chloe was finishing off her chores, when the house phone went off and she answered it. Once she accepted the call, an unusual voice came to Chloe’s ear, she had never heard it before. All of a sudden the caller blurted out with words, and the only thing that Chloe heard was mumbles as the man echoed through the phone. Then Chloe heard the voice say that there was going to be a new orphan come to the house, and her name was Jennifer. Jennifer’s family had been away at sea for years and one night when Jennifer heard the phone ring at her old orphan’s house, she received a voice mail from a sailor sobbing the words “Your… Your parents… They… They won’t be coming… Home!” As soon as Jennifer heard them words, the phone plummeted to the floor and no one was able to care for Jennifer any longer, and till that day Jennifer had always remembered the time she waved goodbye on the docks when she was 4.
Suddenly, a knock on the door rolled round the house, Mrs Cole walked to the door questioning who it was. When Mrs Cole opened the door rolling her eyes, a girl stood there with a suitcase a smiled came to the girl’s face, her eyes shimmered in the turquoise coloured sky. Mrs Cole brought her into the house, when the girl saw Nia and Chloe playing together it reminded her of the last time she was with her parents.
Sun began to fall and night rose up, it was time for Nia, Chloe and Jennifer to go to bed, Jennifer had just settled into the new house. Jennifer’s bed was on the right side of Chloe and Nia’s was on the other. Meanwhile all the girls were lying; Mrs Cole was heading of to go out to the shop. Nia and Chloe have always wondered what Mrs Cole does when she goes out and now was the time to do it. Nia woke up Chloe and they decided that Jennifer can be part of the mission. All of a sudden Nia unlocked the door while Nia was doing that, Chloe got three flashlights, they stepped out of the door and all they could see was LIGHTS… It was beautiful, all the city was lit up owl sounds bounced from building to building, but suddenly, a BANG occurred lights went off, it sounded like someone was trying to smash windows but Nia, Chloe and Jennifer ran towards the scene and saw a black mask on a person’s body, their eyes looked red and their head cautiously turned. Quickly, the girls ran to the criminal and pulled the mask right of his face. Waiting patiently, the mask was ripped off and their they found out that the criminal was…
MRS COLE!
As soon as Jennifer, Nia and Chloe found out who it was they speed dialled the police and they came speeding over and arrested Mrs Cole, the girls did not know what to do but a shadow figure hid down in the pitch black alley-way but the police had not gone yet and the looked down the alley to see who was there and they heard his voice and Nia recognised his voice and told the police that he had been working with Mrs Cole and they took then both to prison “ If it wasn’t for you Nia, Chloe and Jennifer, we would be rich!” Mrs Cole and her partner in crime caterwauled out.
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Well done Nayana. Edit and revise please.
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Mystery through the town…
Slowly trudging along the cold damp carpet floor of the orphanage, Nia was getting ready for bed when she heard Chloe ask her a question. Requesting if they were going to play hide and seek tomorrow, Chloe brushed her teeth. Suddenly, Nia whispered “Yes we can tomorrow.” and went to lie down in her bed looking up to the old crusty roof above her. Quietly, Nia started to talk about the day she had. Then dozed off…
Nia and Chloe were only six, but when Nia was three her dad died in the war, and her mum passed away when she was five. Nia’s mother got an illness called polio which paralysis a person’s body and is a virus, which is also deadly. Chloe never had a mother but sadly when she turned two, her dad had suffered from small pox in 1940. Meanwhile, Chloe got in bed and curled up to the last teddy her dad gave to her before he passed away.
The clock struck twelve and Mrs Cole charged up the stairs, she told the girls that someone had been up passed curfew last night and would have to do the washing this morning. Mrs Cole asked the girls whether they knew who did it. Usually Mrs Cole would do the washing up, but recently she had been going out at night and when Nia asked her to see where she was going, she said that it was not any of the Nia’s business.
Soon Nia was going to have her lunch, before she was able to sit down, she then overheard Mrs Cole on the phone saying that she was going to go tonight. Later on that night, Chole was finishing off her chores, when the house phone went off and she answered it. Once she accepted the call, an unusual voice came to Chloe’s ear, she had never heard it before. All of a sudden the caller blurted out with words, and the only thing that Chloe heard was mumbles as the man echoed through the phone. Then Chloe heard the voice say that there was going to be a new orphan come to the house, and her name was Jennifer. Jennifer’s family had been away at sea for years and one night when Jennifer heard the phone ring at her old orphan’s house, she received a voice mail from a sailor sobbing the words “Your… Your parents… They… They won’t be coming… Home!” As soon as Jennifer heard them words, the phone plummeted to the floor and no one was able to care for Jennifer any longer, and till that day Jennifer had always remembered the time she waved goodbye on the docks when she was 4.
Suddenly, a knock on the door rolled round the house, Mrs Cole walked to the door questioning who it was. When Mrs Cole opened the door rolling her eyes, a girl stood there with a suitcase a smiled came to the girl’s face, her eyes shimmered in the turquoise coloured sky. Mrs Cole brought her into the house, when the girl saw Nia and Chloe playing together it reminded her of the last time she was with her parents.
Sun began to fall and night rose up, it was time for Nia, Chloe and Jennifer to go to bed, Jennifer had just settled into the new house. Jennifer’s bed was on the right side of Chloe and Nia’s was on the other. Meanwhile all the girls were lying; Mrs Cole was heading of to go out to the shop. Nia and Chloe have always wondered what Mrs Cole does when she goes out and now was the time to do it. Nia woke up Chloe and they decided that Jennifer can be part of the mission. All of a sudden Nia unlocked the door while Nia was doing that, Chloe got three flashlights, they stepped out of the door and all they could see was LIGHTS… It was beautiful, all the city was lit up owl sounds bounced from building to building, but suddenly, a BANG occurred lights went off, it sounded like someone was trying to smash windows but Nia, Chloe and Jennifer ran towards the scene and saw a black mask on a person’s body, their eyes looked red and their head cautiously turned. Quickly, the girls ran to the criminal and pulled the mask right of his face. Waiting patiently, the mask was ripped off and their
they found out that the criminal was…
MRS COLE!
As soon as Jennifer, Nia and Chloe found out who it was they speed dialled the police and they came speeding over and arrested Mrs Cole, the girls did not know what to do but a shadow figure hid down in the pitch black alley-way but the police had not gone yet and the looked down the alley to see who was there and they heard his voice and Nia recognised his voice and told the police that he had been working with Mrs Cole and they took then both to prison “ If it wasn’t for you Nia, Chloe and Jennifer, we would be rich!” Mrs Cole and her partner in crime caterwauled out.
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Very conscientious work Nayana , you have looked at your blog and improved it. Prize Box🌟
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THIEF IN TOWN…
Bob the detective was on a case with his partner Meldrew about a robbery in west London. A robbery has been committed in the museum at 5:AM Bob and Meldrew are at the museum trying to find clues they ask the manager of the museum who was on duty the manager said “Henry and Aaron” so Bob and Meldrew when and split up to find a guard each. Bob was looking for them in the guards rooms and Meldrew was looking for them break room where there was donuts so he took one and eat it .
some time after … they found the guards and the janitor but the janitor looked suspicious because he had a back pack on that was stuffed with something. So Bob and Meldrew went and checked the CCTV footage and and found that AARON WAS ASLEEP ALL NIGHT.
and there was no sign of break in so it had to be an inside job …
“so that rules Aaron” out said Meldrew
“yes its either Henry or the janitor because he was in the CCTV” said bob
“wait play that again and zoom in on Henry” said Meldrew. “He has some shiny stuff in his pocket”
“Aaron do your job properly and go and get Henry”
Aaron yawned “what what did you say sir”
“Aaron do your job properly and go and get Henry” said Bob
So Aaron legged it to find Henry.
10 minutes later he was finally back with Henry bob and Meldrew said EMPTY YOUR POCKETS so henery did and came all the stolen goods flying out so the police came and took him away.
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An interesting story line Cormac. Edit and revise please.
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Who killed Liam Gallagher?
20th November 2017…
I was sitting at my desk going through old case files, when somebody knocked at my office door…
I opened my door, and stood there, was Noel Gallagher. I looked in surprise as he said,
“Liam was killed last night, can you investigate this with me?”
Meanwhile, I stood there shook while Noel looked at me enquiringly, so I simply replied,
“oh, uh sure ill be happy to help, noel.”
I called up my assistant, explaining that Liam Gallagher (my music idol) had been killed and we had to investigate immediately with Noel Gallagher, and I told her to meat me at a local café with Noel.
First up, we wrote a list of all the things we had to do:
. find out where Liam killed
. look for clues
. get suspects
. question suspects
. find criminal
. arrest them
later, we had a list and Noel informed us Liam was killed in his house at 12:30 pm the night before. We went to Liam’s house and there he was, I stared in horror; Noel started searching around for clues.
In front of me, was Liam Gallagher, he had been stabbed multiple times and was lying in a pool of his own blood.
When my assistant looked closer, she found a striking red hair in the blood and a small knife with the initials E.W for Emma Watson…
Back at the office Noel simply stated,
“it can’t have been Emma, her and Liam got along like a house on fire! But still, we must question her before we jump to anything’’
After a lot of research, we found Emma Watson’s house. I questioned her, and she said she was at a yacht party the day of Liam’s death, so it couldn’t’ve been her.
Back at the office my assistant found a lead, Ed Sheeran.
As we looked further into it we found out some shocking things: Sheeran and Liam had quite recently fallen out over success, Sheeran had also fallen out with Emma Watson recently and, his hair matched the one we found at Liam’s house, it had to be him.
Me and noel tried to find Sheeran’s address; my assistant looked for further evidence.
Next day, 21st November 2017…
Noel came bursting through the door,
“that Sheeran he ran away when I tried to talk to him last night!! He must be hiding something from us!!!!!”
We shot in noels car to Ed Sheeran’s house, when noel opened the door we reeled back in pure shock…
There he was, with Emma Watsons knife in his hand lying on the floor, unconscious next to him was the same bottle he used on Liam, but it was empty. Noel simply yelled,
“the fool! Drinking himself down so we couldn’t question him, bring him back to your office! We’ll question him when he gets up!”
We did as noel said and drove him to the office.
22nd November 2017
Sheeran woke up late at night, I quickly rang noel and we questioned him. So? Noel figured it out. And said,
“so first you murder my brother with Emma Watsons knife, setting her up. Then you drink yourself silly and confess everything! You’ll be behind bars for a long time Sheeran. Mark my words”
I called the police to take Sheeran away, I thanked noel for his help; my assistant spoke with the police about his sentence, and of course I irritatedly sat back at my desk waiting for the next case to come in and surprise me…
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Excellent use of shifts by using everyday language and idioms in your dialogue Jessica. Be careful not to make mistakes with your punctuation. A well though out plot Jessica.
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Good Friends
Chrissy, Jenny, Sarah and Helen, a group of college friends going out for a meal for Sarah’s 19TH birthday. Then they are going onto a local nightclub to meet up with their other friends. What happens that night is totally unexpected…..
It was Sarahs 19th birthday so her and her friends, Chrissy, Jenny and Helen decide to celebrate by going out for a nice meal then onto a nightclub for a dance. When they get to the restaurant they recognise the waitress as a girl who was in their year at school. They didn’t know her name as she was always a quiet girl who you would only find sitting in the library, alone and reading. Her name badge read “Louise”. Louise remembered the four girls from school as they were the popular girls. They always had the best clothes on and their hair was always in the latest style. Everyone wanted to be friends with them. Louise served the girls with a smile. They had pizzas but were very rude with Louise. They didn’t say “thank-you” and complained that the food was cold and it was different to what they had ordered. The girls ended up getting the food for free and Louise got into lots of trouble off her boss. She had the cost of the meal taken out of her wages. Helen however felt very sorry for Louise and insisted that they leave a tip as the food was really nice!
On the way to the nightclub Chrissy started complaining that she didn’t feel very well and was sure that Louise must have put something in her food to make her ill. As they went into the club they see that there are lots of other people from college there and they get their drinks and start dancing. People are talking to them but Chrissy can’t hear anything properly. Everything starts to go blurry and she falls to the floor. The friends and everyone around her start to panic. Out of nowhere Louise appears!! Jenny starts shouting that she’s the one whos made Chrissy ill and she’s trying to kill her. Louise bends down and trys helping Chrissy but she is pushed away and the paramedics appear along with the police. They do all they can to help her but it just doesn’t seem like its going to be enough. She’s taken to the hospital but unfortunately doesn’t make it. All the doctors say that it seems like she had been poisoned. Louise is taken away by the police and interviewed to see if she is the one who killed her. She is absolutely terrified as she didn’t do anything wrong but how was she going to prove her innocence? All of a sudden another police officer comes in saying someone has admitted to poisoning her but didn’t mean to kill her. It was her best friend Helen!! Helen had got fed up with Chrissy always being mean and horrible to everyone that she had decided to try and teach her a lesson. She had just wanted to put something into her drink when she went to the toilet to make her sick, have to leave early and miss out on all the fun. She would now have to live the rest of her life without one of her beast friends. The other girls wouldn’t ever want to speak to her again either.
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Well done Olivia, you used your red herring to good effect.
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THE CASE OF THE STOLEN STAR
Business had been slow for detective Emil, not one case had been mentioned. Sipping at his coffee he waited for the post. When the post came it wasn’t from his family or friends it was his next case and the ‘postman’ looked a lot like an out of breath David Walliams. David burst through the doors and thrust an envelope into his hand then commanded “read this detective Emil!”
The envelope had no writing on the outside and must have been delivered by hand; all that was written were the letters mp. As Emil opened the letter his hair stood on end.
The letter was written using cut up pieces of newspaper and said:
“WE HAVE SIMON COWELL GIVE US ONE MILLION POUNDS OR ELSE SIMON GETS IT. MEET US BACKSTAGE IN BRITANS GOT TALENT AND I BETTER NOT SEE THE POLICE.”
Emil asked David where it had come from. “I found it on the door mat this morning,” he replied. David passed Emil a piece of fur that he found inside the envelope. Emil examined the fur for a while then said ”This fur is from a Pomeranian, I think I have my first suspect.” David looked shocked, “How can you have a suspect from a piece of fur?” he exclaimed. “Don’t you remember the little Pomeranian that came to do tricks dressed as a superhero with its owner, Mary Poppins?” replied Emil. “Oh yes… how could I forget. The act didn’t go so well, the dog wouldn’t even sit, Simon said it was the worst audition he had ever seen.” David asked Emil to investigate the case but to be careful not to let the kidnappers know he had talked to him.
Emil packed a briefcase full of fake money and set off to the Elstree Studios where Britain’s got talent was being filmed. I hope this plan works, he thought to himself as he climbed into a taxi.
As soon as Emil stepped out of the taxi he could see everyone was in a state of panic. “I cannae see him anywhere man!” shouted Ant to Dec. They were all looking for Simon as the show was due to start any minute. Emil took the briefcase and sneaked backstage, he searched for clues as to where the perpetrator could be keeping Simon Cowell. Emil spotted a column with Simon tied to it, as he dashed over to untie him a black leather char started to turn round. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw Mary Poppins, the dog trainer, sat stroking her dog. “Not so fast,” she shouted, “hand over the money first!” Emil passed the case to Mary but something seemed strange. He dashed over to untie Simon. Just then the dog lunged up and bit Mary on the face. “Get off me you daft animal!” shouted Mary in a rather gruff voice. I could see that the dog had something in its mouth, it was a mask! As Mary stood and shouted “I’m rich!” I could see that it was actually David Walliams! “David!” shouted Emil, “How could you do such a thing?” “I needed the money to publish a new book” he replied. Emil realised that he had read the letters on the envelope upside down, mp was actually dw for David’s initials. As David ran off I laughed to myself as I thought of the look on his face when he realises that the money isn’t real.
Another case solved!
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Great Isabel, the memory of the Pomeranian dog act made me smile. Super way to write a Geordie accent and it makes a great shift to informal writing. *perpetrator
What a clever idea Isabel mp was actually dw. I hope you enjoyed creating your story as much as I enjoyed reading it. Well Done. Prize Box🏆
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Clever ending. Well done Izzy
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The Theft of the Crown
Detective Martin Smith, aged 37 years, and head of the London police station sat in his office when his assistant rushed in to inform about the crime…the Queen was on vacation and somebody has stolen the crown. Straight away Detective Smith went to Buckingham Palace where the crime had taken place.
It was the evening of 14th July 2017, and as he arrived the sun was setting. It was a hot humid night and Buckingham Palace was surrounded by a red glow from the sky. Detective Smith entered the room where the crime had taken place earlier that day. He put on his protective clothing and gloves and went to examine what had happenned. The cabinet where the crown normally sat was smashed and glass lay everywhere. Fingermarks could be seen smudged on the glass, but would he get a print? A single long strand of red hair was on top of the broken case, was this a clue?
Detective Smith knew he may have his suspects and went to question them. He arrived at Sarah Ferguson’s door. He knew she was upset with the Royal Family following her divorce from Prince Andrew. “Where were you earlier this morning” asked Detective Smith. Sarah initially refused to answer but then said “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret. Why do you need to know?” He explained that the crown was missing. “It wasn’t me” she replied.
Meanwhile, his assistant John went to give the sample of hair and fingerprints to the lab. The results would be rushed through. Later Detective Smith and John spoke to the red-haired butler. “Where were you earlier this morning?” The butler answered and said “I have been doing my job but I saw somone come in the palace with a black t-shirt and a mask covering theIr face.” John sudenly had another suspect. ” It could be one of the queen’s dogs” whispered the assistant. Detective Smith looked at him in confusion.
After that they went back to the lab to the find out the results.
“The results are not ready until the morning” said Detective Smith “Lets think about our evidence”
“Ok” said John. “We have Sarah Feguson, who won’t tell us where she was today. We also have the butler who gave us information which might not be true. Why did he not tell us about the person dressed in black before?”
“What about the dog’s?” said Dective Smith. “Although I think we need to rule them out, they might have red fur but how did they smash the glass.”
“Lets go back and re-examine the room” said John.
As they entered the room they heard a noise. The sound of a zip and a clunk as something was dropped! The man in black was stood before them. He turned around and stared them in the face.
“It was you! Prince Harry!” shouted John.
Harry spluttered “I didn’t steal the crown!”
“You are coming with us” said Detective Smith.
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Great opening paragraph Katie, it definitely hooked me. Great red herring, I was convinced. I can’t believe it was Harry! What was his motive? Great work Detective Hardyman! Prize Box👍
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It was the start of another normal day in Berlin, the sun just peaking over the horizon. Arriving at work was Zach Anderson a 39 year old security guard. For Zach it was yet another day watching over the Classic Remise museum, a collection of classic and expensive cars. Zach loved his job, he took pride in looking after the prize possessions of the museum but most of all he cared for his favourite car in the world the flame red Ferrari GTO.
On this particular day (23rd December) things were busier than usual, the staff of the museum were preparing for the Christmas auction. On his morning stroll around the museum Zach heard a dodgy looking man talking on his phone muttering about how easy it would be to steal a car. Zach quickly became convinced the dubious gent was up to no good and turned his mind to watching and listening even more than normal. Luckily the rest of the morning was quiet until Zach bumped into Dougie Wilson the owner off the GTO and he thought he should to warn him what he heard and that he thought that something was going on in the museum. Strangely enough Dougie didn’t seem to be worried at all …
Fast forward – The day of the sale…
Zach walked down stairs to get his daily newspaper from behind the front door, just before going to work, he took a quick glance and couldn’t believe his eyes when he read the giant headline ‘Museum show piece Ferrari stolen.’ Zach was in a panic, his mind was racing, he rushed as quickly as he could to get to the museum to see what he could do to help.
Zach rushed to look at the CCTV system expecting to see the dodgy man from earlier in the week however it was another man that appeared to be interested in the car in the hours before it was stolen. This mystery man, dressed in a dark blue suit, with a tiny beard looked like Jonnie Peacock (Paralympic runner) was inches from the car when the lights in the museum went out and the car disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Zach in a rush to tell somebody what he has just seen sets off on his way around the museum, until he hears a familiar voice. It was the dodgy man from the other day “Do you know when I said how easy it would be to steal a car?”
“Yes” replied Zach in a confused voice.
“I was talking to Dougie, the owner. My name is Bob Cop, I’m a detective and I was looking out for suspicious behaviour before the GTO went on sale”
“Oh” moaned Zach “but what can we do now the car has gone. I think a man who Looks like Jonnie Peacock is involved.”
“I have an idea” said Bob “come with me.”
Bob drove them speedily through town to the Nurburgring racing track. As they pulled in to the circuit entrance Zach spotted Jonnie Peacock trying to get on to the race track. Zach and Bob jumped out of the car rapidly and ran to him and quickly take the key out of the GTO. Zach grabbed his phone and told Jonnie “don’t move” and with that Zach called the police who came immediately.
Jonnie was soon arrested, Bob Cop and Zach were thanked by the museum and the car’s owner for solving the mystery. To this day Zach gets to look at his favourite car again and again but now it is even more special than before.
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Great work James
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A well thought out plot James. Excellent choice of verb forms. Edit and revise for punctuation please. 5DJs
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WHO KILLED JK ROWLING
10 December 2006
Sitting at my desk playing on fortnite battle royale,I received a call to say there had been a murder at tilted towers. I rushed to the scene with my detective partner absolute zero and our zapatron sniper rifles. We leapt out of the battle bus and into the investigation as we started to:look for clues,interview suspects,try to find criminals and try to find CCTV footage of the attack. Several days later I got another call to say there had been a robbery at loot lake and all the money had been stolen. Both me and my other detective bright bomber dashed to the scene as we found some evidence…
Lying there on the floor was 2 half eaten pigs in blankets. “Hang on a minute there was 2 half eaten pigs in blankets at the case of Jk Rowling death a few days ago.” A couple of hours later a witness came to me and said ” I heard a big bang coming from the big house in the middle of the island.”
(Back to the scene of Jk Rowlings death)
Oh look there`s a muddy imprint of a shoe just like the one at loot lake. ” Hmmmmmm if there`s 2 muddy footpints of the same shoe then it must be the same person.” (Later that night)
Come in come in is this this detective bright bomber and detective dark knight. ” HELLO HELLO whats the matter” We have had an attempt to blow up David walliams` house please come to the crime scene as soon as possible . (Seconds later they arrived at the scene) (They interviewed David walliams and he said that the robbers stole a bag full of gold and cash)
(Detective bright bomber and detective dark knight went to talk to the guards) ” where were you last night” asked bright bomber. “ERRRRRRR We were in the cctv office ERHHH we were at our friends .” That sounds suspicious (said detective dark knight) “Put your hands up in the air.” ( when dark knight looked behind the guards it turns out that they had robber bags behind there backs that was filled with something gold and something papery…
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Good idea. Edit and Revise please. Try to use number words instead of figures.
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It was a winters morning and detective Ford was on a day off duty he was watching a movie. He didn’t notice but someone was in his house
and had taken a family photograph…
After the movie had finished he went upstairs to check that everything was alright but is wasn’t oh no someone had taken it off the wall from his bedroom!!
He needed to investigate this more… He got his magnifying glass and looked for footprints and fingermarks. Detective Ford found a finger mark on the wall near to where tbephotograpgh went he looked around the room.
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Fabulous start. More Erin! I’m hooked now…..
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The Mystery of the Missing Madman…
In the distance, a sudden scream echoed eerily around the city of London. Then the blaring sirens started for the third time that week. It had happened again. And they knew it would not be the last time…
As the harsh weather made its mark once more on the streets in the heart of London, step-sisters Freya Guinness and Maya Lewis settled themselves down in their new foster home for the night. Maya sighed deeply as she brushed her chocolate brown hair out of her hazelnut eyes and began tying her hair up.
“Y’ know, this is only the second foster home I’ve been to – all the kids at the care home have been to ‘bout six!” Reluctantly Maya added, “No one wanted me ‘cause of my freckles.”
“You know that’s not true! Your freckles are part of who you are! Like I say, just ‘cause you don’t like who you are, doesn’t mean you can’t like who you are…” Freya began supportingly.
“All right miss perfect!” Maya blurted out as she cut across her. Rolling her eyes and grinning broadly; which made her freckles explode upon her face, she finished “Don’t make a mountain out of a mole-hill…”
“Night.”
“Night.”
At the crack of dawn the next morning, Freya was rudely awoken by a whining siren speeding towards what she presumed was (remember, she had only just moved here,) the local Apple Tech store. Beginning to stir slightly, Freya was alarmed to see that Maya was already awake, and rocking to-and-fro her bed, scrunched up in a ball. Despite all that, the most peculiar thing for Freya was what Maya was murmuring. “Not again… Please not again…”
Bolting upright in her bed, her dirty blonde hair flicking onto her pale face, Freya exclaimed: “What’s on earth is the matter with you?!”
Maya muttered wearily “Y’ know that police car siren that woke you up, right? Well, it wasn’t the first one. I’ve been up since five am this morning and, well, a small multi-coloured explosion went off at the city science department and just now, the Apple Tech store. The gas inside made a woman go mental. But the weird thing is, the gas in it wasn’t harmful.”
“Maybe she was allergic?” Freya suggested.
“Nuh-uh. The people at the lab tested that too, and before you ask, all the CCTV footage around the area has been wiped.”
“Anyway,” said Freya, brushing her thoughts out of her mind, “Why were you saying – not again, please not again…”
“Oh, well, ‘cause y’ know before my dad married your mum and before my mum died? I was really young, and we lived in a place where I couldn’t go ten minutes without hearin’ a police siren. After my dad told what the noise meant, it was scared out of my mind until we moved. And, y’ know what? I don’t care you think, but we are solving this mystery. ‘Cause this is not gonna happen to me again.”
“Agreed.”
Wandering into the pearly white marble kitchen, the sisters both glanced around for Sarah and John (their new foster parents) until Maya discovered a note – scribbled on a scrap piece of paper – lying on the table. It said:
Maya and Freya,
I work at the office from seven ‘till six so I won’t be back for a while. John’s suffering from “flu” (men…) so he’ll probably be in bed all day. You know where everything is, so get your selves some breakfast. For lunch, I’ve left some stuff to put on a sandwich, it’s in the fridge – there should be enough. For tea, it’s spag bol, it’s in the microwave, but I should be back by then. Feel free to go out, but be back by 5 and leave a note saying where you’re going.
Lots of love,
Sarah.
For Maya and Freya, this was the perfect opportunity to dig deeper into the mystery, so after a while, they set off to investigate the recent explosions. They had decided that – after a good deal of thinking – they would split up. As Freya put it, they were to “divide and conquer.” Seen as Freya was the sister with the powers of persuasion, she set off towards the City’s Science Department to examine their research about the explosions. Freya’s plan was to keep it all simple. Slip into the building past the security guards and easily locate the section that was doing the research. Eventually, despite going in the opposite direction, Freya found herself in the lab; she discovered that it was called the research laboratory. Although, there was a slight problem. Clearly, Freya hadn’t thought of a cover-story for why she was there, so, unfortunately, she had to make one up on the spot. “I’m… uh… here to… I want to be a scientist and I… uh… want to see some of your research to write a report about. Yeah.” The scientist with the badge stating, “Head Scientist Professor Oak” stared at her intensely, as if examining her with his eyes, before suddenly jumping to life and exclaiming “Why of course young lady! Why of course!”
“Thank you so much!” Freya said as she breathed a sigh of relief. She was glad the lying lesson of Maya’s had paid off.
“So what you like to see first?” Started Professor Oak. “Our research on fire?”
“Sort of. I’m a fan the science elements, y’ know, air, fire, wind, water and um… gas, is it?” Freya said anxiously.
“If you’re talking about our findings in the explosions, I’m afraid we can’t help you.” Said Professor Oak.
Another scientist darted towards Professor Oak and argued, “Sir, she looks like a responsible young woman, I think we can trust her…”
Exhaling, the professor moaned, “Fine! Fine! I’ll tell you what you need to know, and only what you need to know. The police have been keeping it on the down-low but there have been four more explosions as well as the first couple here and at the Apple Tech store. The only link that the police could make was that all the places had something to do with science.”
“What about the gas inside the explosions?” Freya asked.
“Well, it’s unfortunate really. The gas inside the blasts is two different types. That’s all we can figure out. Whoever’s doing this is, concealing one gas – the one that’s making people act insane, them not being able to stop laughing – the inside a harmless gas, which is Carbon Dioxide. You must be a scientist to be able to do that! This all started when one of our scientists, John Mathews, went mental. He started always wearing a hockey mask no matter what and had to go to a secure unit…”
Out of the blue, something dawned on Freya and she looked like she was going outside for the first time in her life; her eyes grew wide; the face was framed in delight like a bear cub receiving his first taste of honey.
Meanwhile, Maya was at the scene of the second explosion – trying to have a look around for clues without being caught. Without warning, a young man, who was looking suspicious, came out from behind the corner, writhing his hands behind his back and shuffling around, rummaging through the debris with his feet. Out of nowhere, Maya’s phone let out a deafening bleep. The figure looked up with a panic-stricken look on his face a fled almost immediately, tripping over a filthy hockey mask. Scowling, Maya answered the call. “What?”
“Maya? It’s me, Freya…”
“Oh. Wait… You just ruined my chances of solving the mystery! There was this person snooping around the crime scenes, but when you rang, he realised I was there, he fled!”
“Wait, what? I thought I had done that!”
“Hold one. I’ll meet you at home in five.”
All at once, Freya, Maya and, bizarrely, another blonde, freckled teenage boy, came bursting through the double-doors of the vacant police station. “We know what’s been going on these past couple of weeks.” Freya began confidently.
“Excuse me, but what are you doing here?” Interrupted a Police Officer, barging his way forward from behind the crowded desk.
“This is a Police Station, isn’t it? We’re here to report a crime, aren’t we?” Responded Maya defiantly.
“Are you sure? Which crime? When?” Questioned the detective.
“Wait, Middleton, we need to go in the discussion room to follow this any further.” Interjected another Police Officer. Detective Middleton nodded and led the three teenagers through to an empty room behind the station. The four took a seat and began discussing the situation. “Feel free to take as much time as you need explaining the situation.”
Maya started, “Ok. Well, Freya and I thought it was strange that explosions going off and causing people to act crazy, so we decided that we’d check it out. We thought that the blasts might be linked to the disappearance of the scientist John Mathews, and luckily, we were right.” Detective Middleton carried on staring at them blankly, so Freya continued,
“Earlier today, I went to the City’s Science Department and discovered that the explosions were, in fact, Nitrous Oxide, laughing gas, concealed inside Carbon Dioxide! It was John who was setting off the explosions on his daily hour out from the secure unit. Now, his motive… We figured this out because every place that was hit had something to with an idea that was stolen from him. For example, the Apple Tech Store. A guy came up with a new camera that has unlimited storage. We did some research and, it was John who came up with the invention and offered to collaborate with him.”
“So why’s he here?” Detective Middleton asked, nodding at the boy.
“Oh, this is Josh. We caught him snooping around the crime scene and figured he was the culprit. But it turns out, he’s a young journalist trying to make a name for himself. Oh, by the way, in exchange for this, you don’t tell anyone in the press about this until Josh writes, and sends off his news article.” Answered Freya
“Deal. I need to go inform the police force. Thank you for your time.” Responded Middleton. And with that, he picked himself up and walked swiftly away.
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Gripping opening sentence Alex. You are employing your narrative opening tactics for effect. 🙂 I can see that you have thrown everything at your second paragraph Alex: vernacular language, idioms and contractions. Take your time and drip these into your writing. Your story has is well planned Alex and has many features of this genre. Well done. 👏Prize Box
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Detective Katie was a tall lady, with long brown hair, and bright blue eyes. She was 27 years old and lived alone in an apartment with her Cat named Furball.
Katie always wore a black top with a black and white stripy skirt and long boots. This was her uniform. Attached to her top was a panic button disguised as a badge. Katie had this on her all the time, just in case she ended up in a dangerous situation.
She worked for the CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) Department. Katie got her job after studying criminal law at University.
On this particular day Katie sat at her office desk waiting to receive a call. Five days earlier Katie got a phone call from the Jewellers on Oxford Road. They suspected that they were about to be burgled after a suspicious couple had been in the store that day, asking odd questions. They said they would return today to buy a diamond ring worth thousands of pound. The Jewellers thought this was a set up and said they would call Katie straight away.
Katie had not got a call, and was sat waiting anxiously clicking her pen on and off, annoying everyone around her!
“What’s wrong with you today” asked Bob, Katie’s assistant. Katie replied ” just waiting on a call from the Jewellers, they should have phoned by now, I am getting worried”.
“Lets take a trip down there,” said Bob. “Okay,” replied Katie, and they made their way to the CSI van.
When they arrived 20 minutes later, they realised something was very wrong, as the shutters were down and the shop was closed. They separated and walked in opposite directions around to the back of the shop.
Whilst Katie took off in the opposite direction, Bob radio’ed to alert his team that they had to move now!
Suddenly Katie was surrounded, there were 3 men all wearing suits and carrying brief cases. At first she thought they were business men but after taking a closer look she noticed the paper coming-out of one of their brief cases which said PLAN!
She then heard Bob’s voice over the radio, ” go go go!!” he said and she realised she was in deep trouble, her assistant was part of the gang. She found herself being captured by 2 of the men and was bundled into the back of a van.
Katie panicked, she had to get out of this situation and quick!
She tried the handle on the door but it was locked. The van started moving, she was being taken somewhere, and needed to escape.
Katie pressed the panic button on her top, and realised no-one would respond because Bob was the only one working with her that day!
“What am I going to do now?” Thought Katie as she realised she was all alone and it dawned on her that Bob took her to the shop as he was part of the gang, and needed a distraction.
“Katie we are taking you to a job interview for detectives its a new department called… erm.. err…. blue eyes secret agency. Katie wondered what was going on. Bob told Katie that the cleaner was trying to rob the jewellers but Katie knew it wasn’t true. Cleaner Lauren Smith would never do that she thought to herself. The next minute Katie turned around to find the alarm going off with a smashed window. She needed to investigate….
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Panic button was inventive Connie. Refine your story Connie by editing and revising for spelling and punctuation.
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Bang Crash !
Two trains had crashed, the path of the train to London had been turned into the same path of the other train that was heading to Manchester but how could this be after security guarding the system?? So it was a case for detective Chris!
Chris new that it could be a guard but the train station manager said it was the guards day off for the evening so it would have to have been a different person to have done such a thing. So Chris new it was not a guard.
Meanwhile Chris had been looking for clues, he spotted the manager talking on his phone looking at Chris. He realised that he had to go and see his office for any CLUES!
The next two hours the train station had been shut down but that didn’t stop Chris. He sneaked up the stairs like he was James Bond on a mission and sat on the managers chair looking through every draw checking for some answers, at the second to last draw he spotted a message that was sent to a man working at the train station who was having a bad time. Chris had to read more as he knew he couldn’t just leave it. So as he carried on reading he noticed that the manager said that he would leave the train station with the train worker so that he could plan the crash, but the message hadn’t been sent so it could not have been the manager or his friend but Chris still had to tell the police about the message.
The next day he had found out that the guard was back and told him the bad news but the guard did not look shocked so Chris didn’t bother talking about it to him, instead he decided to get all the train workers together and showed the police the note. The police had arrested the manager as he was to confess who had caused the accident, but the Manager accused the guard who had taken a day off.
The police based on the evidence given by Chris and the fact that the guard who did not have an alibi arrested both the Manager and the guard for causing the accident. Both of them went to prison for a very long time.
So that was the end of Chris’s investigation.
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A well thought out plot Aidan. Edit and revise for punctuation please.
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Very good use of paraphrase Aidan to organise your writing. Edit and revise. Watch out for those homophones.
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The Mystery of the Stolen Car
I had just received an interesting call from Chief Inspector Gaston informing me of this high end case, “It’s not like y’see a ghost drivin’ down the highway at 90mph every day is it? C’mon over to the office Detective Marshal and I’ll tell y’ more.” he told me. So I hurried over to his tidy but busy office. When I came back the crime was all over the news. I ran over to number 8, 8th street and grabbed my supplies from my house. I reckoned that I might need them just in case I needed to do some undercover work.
Walking over to the Grand Prix track, I noticed the driver of the car that had been stolen shouting to his boss and then quitting and throwing his helmet on the ground. I boldly approached the boss and asked him what had happened that morning “Well, we were practising for the Grand prix and all of a sudden a ghost in a race car drove out of nowhere, and Max and the ghost both disappeared into the fog and neither came out at all. But just one hour ago Max appeared from behind a rock as if nothing had happened!”
“Thanks for the info, I’ll be on my way now.” I said.
Right so it can’t be Max as he was seen next to the ghost. It can’t be the boss because the ghost went right past him. The other driver though, he seemed to have a grudge against Max and wanted him to lose. Also, he was not there when the ghost came in. Who was it? I just couldn’t figure it out. I walked past Max who was muttering to himself when I noticed that the blue luminescent paint, that fitted the ghosts description perfectly, was on the front of his shirt. As I brushed past him, I very quickly took a sample without him noticing.
There’s something fishy going on here and I’m the one to figure it out, I thought. I went back to the boss and asked if I could see the plans for the stolen race car. As well as a detective I also knew a lot about cars and from the description of the ghosts’ car, it had a V8 engine and a high-tech chassis. The blueprint for the race car showed that the car also had a V8 engine and a high-tech chassis. That was the exact same as the ghosts’ car.
I had it all figured out. I marched up to Max and asked him,”Max, why did you do it? What did you need from creating that fake ghost and pretending to disappear? Yes I have solved the case.”
“I wanted to win the Grand Prix so I came up with that idea to scare other drivers off so that I would be the winner of this race. And I used my magic book to disappear from the fog and reappear behind the big boulder.” he retorted.
“Ha! thanks mate,” I said. “You’ve just confessed to the federal police in Las Vegas. How you ask? Well I was recording the whole time.”
“Nooooooooo!,” he howled as the cops dragged him away, “If it wasn’t for you meddling detective!”
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Excellent use of informal writing in your dialogue Oliver. A well thought out and action packed story Oliver. Well done. Prize Box🌟
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The Mystery of the Missing Crown
“How does one know….how does one truly know whether to trust ones new guard?” the Queen thought quietly to herself. She always knew she could trust Howard, he had served her for many years. But with Mark she was not quite so sure. So, she decided to put Mark’s trustworthiness to the test but first she had to think up a plan.
Carefully, the Queen began to pack her rose gold rimmed suitcase with things that she would need for her short break in Edinburgh.She was looking forward to her break tremendously and was nearly ready to go, but she just had one more thing to ask of her new guard, Mark. Her feet sank into the luxurious cream carpet as she leaned over the bed to pick up her watch which was then gently placed into a pocket in the side of her suitcase and then zipped up. Now all that was left to do was to tell Mark what she would like him to do whilst she was away.
The Queen entered the narrow hallway and made her way down the spiral staircase which twisted and turned sharply changing direction at every corner.
“Mark! Mark! Can I have a quick word?”
The Queen did not wait for an answer but instead began to tell him in detail what his job would be, and exactly how it needed to be done.
She told him,” I was thinking, Mark….that maybe you would like to look after and polish my crown every day whilst I am away?”
“I would be honoured to,” Mark tried to say in his most sophisticated manner, but really he was buzzing inside. He waited until the Queen had left before jumping up and down with excitement. Immediately, he decided to phone his Mum.
“Hello… Mum are you there? I have really exciting news you know. Guess! Wait – no – never mind, you won’t guess because the news is that I am protecting and polishing the Queen’s crown whilst she is away!!”Mark exclaimed.
” Oh Mark! I’m so proud of you – I never thought our Mark would be one to look after the Queen’s crown. You’re goin’ to be great at it. Just make sure it’s very well polished and don’t damage it!” she told him.
” OK Mum, I will do just that – see you soon! Bye,” said Mark.
“Bye then!” replied his Mum.
As the Queen passed her corgis basket she gave them a farewell pat in turn and was then helped into her limousine.Mark watched the car speed into the distance. Mark quickly got to it as he pulled out the key to the cabinet where the crown was kept, sprinted to the cupboard to get the polish and began to softly wipe the delicate crown. This he did for three consecutive days and on the fourth he came down to do so again. Mark polished the crown; the corgis ate their tiny bone shaped biscuits. The bottle of polish soon became empty so Mark jogged to the kitchen to get a new bottle, leaving the crown resting on the sideboard. When he returned, the crown had GONE!!!
Mark’s heart skipped a beat and he began pacing up and down desperately searching for the missing crown and trying to think what a detective would do in his situation. He began to panic and thought to himself how stupid he had been for leaving the crown unsupervised. Anxiously, he started to look for clues as he scanned the kitchen and then the sitting room for anything suspicious.
It was then that Mark remembered that the Queen would be back extremely soon. Immediately after, he heard the sound of tyres on gravel which told him that she had arrived. She strolled in and soon enough she saw the empty cabinet where the crown should have been.
“I’m so sorry – listen..I can explain!” protested Mark.
” I do not want to know. You need to be out by the end of the day. I thought I could trust you, but now you have betrayed me. Go and pack your bags,” sighed the Queen.
Mark knew that she meant what she said so he needed to find the thief and fast! He did not understand. He did not have a clue who had done it. His only suspect was Howard, who may be trying to get revenge on his replacement. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye Mark spotted a red hair placed on the cabinet where the crown had last been seen: Howard had red hair – one of the brightest that Mark had ever seen. He continued to look for clues and soon after he came across some mud. From Howard’s shoe maybe? Slowly, it was beginning to look like it was him. But then, Mark noticed a crumbled biscuit. He leaned over and scooped up the crumbs from the thick chocolate brown carpet and sniffed at them. Chicken? That was all that Mark could smell.
Howard did not eat chicken biscuits! The only suspect Mark knew who ate chicken biscuits was………
Mark ran into the large rectangular, modern kitchen of glass and metal and saw Daisy ( the Queen’s youngest corgi) slumped over in her basket with the crown dangling out of her mouth! With relief, Mark rushed to tell the Queen. Crime solved….!
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I loved sharing this with the class today Freya. It has everything I wanted. I was convinced it was Howard. I was fooled by your red herring. Keep writing wonderful stories. Prize Box🏅
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Detective Ben and his assistant Sam were relaxing in their messy office when somewhere under a huge pile of paper the phone rang. The call was urgent, they were asked to investigate some suspicious behavior just seen at a miniscule shop in central London. Ben and Sam rushed across the city towards the address they had received. They approached the building stealthily and silently. From behind bins across the road they noticed the insignificant small shop and huge Jewelry Store tantalizingly close. Through binoculars Sam noticed murky figures in the small shop window having a heated discussion about what looked to be a large plan rolled out on the shop counter. Sam and Ben talked about what they could see, when finally came to the conclusion that it was obviously huge building plan, but about what building?
As they carried on to stalk their pray they sluggishly crept across the busy road. Getting closer and closer they could see more of the plan, peering through the letter box and putting their ears nearer to the glass door but still didn’t exactly know what the fiendish plan was. Now investigating the outside of the building there was no further suspicious clues. Then one of the suspects whose slow movement and crooked back, seemed like that of a pensioner, came over to the detective duo. A name badge on the man’s chest said this was Doug. Doug asked “Hello Gentleman, can I help you?
Ben (a little surprised) answered “Hi we are detectives, here to investigate some suspicious behavior, but there appears to be a mistake.”
“It’s ok “said Doug “don’t be worried, please follow me.”
“Why? “Murmured Ben
Doug replied “I have seen suspicious behavior today. It happened down that road three streets left and there you are!”
Doug led them slowly away from the shop and after minutes of leading them he slowly walked back in the direction of the office. Soon he was out of sight and one of those thousands of specs in the distance.
Ben and Sam slowly descended the walk back. Eventually they made it back to the tiny shop where the men weren’t there but there was a muddy trail to the drainage pipe.”
“Suspicious“ said Sam so they investigated then suddenly…from the jewelry store rang terrible sounding alarm. This was what they had suspected a break in “robbers” shouted Ben and Sam at the same time!
They sprinted to the store and crept in Sam got out his camera and Ben blocked the entrance. “Got you!” Ben shouted, “You tried to trick us.” The police were called and the came to arrest two men. Later questioned and sent off to court to await their fate in front of the judge.
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*steathily – great use of veb form Ben
Your writing has made so much progress Ben. A really well-thought-out plan. Effective use of vocabulary and punctuation. My only suggestion would be to leave a line between your paragraphs. Excellent work Mr. Baxter. Prize Box🌟
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Great work Ben. Excellent use of features. Great last line. Edit and revise.
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The rain struck down on the old brown window like waterfalls of tears Mr Peter Granger watched the bell on the door. It had only been a month since the bell rang every day a new detective case would come in and an adventure would occur.
As the moon rose over the fog in the fields, Mr Granger saw a bright light on the way to his cottage that was covered with vines and moss clutching it and seemed like it would never let go.
A strange hooded figure stumbled towards Mr Granger with a handkerchief at hand. The ghostly figure pulled back its hood to reveal a blue hatted lady “do come in” bellowed Mr Granger instantly knowing this would lead to an adventure ahead.
The night was cold no one on the streets it was all silent except for in the cottage where the case was being delivered the sound of sobbing could be heard “my sister is missing Mr Granger Please help me, her name is Darcey DeJewel she is quite a famous artist”. The door slammed open sending a cold breeze that filled the cottage and a man with a bright red coat stood there on the welcome mat.
“Watson my old partner”
said Mr Granger “its been a while” “the police and I have been working on the case but we need your help, we have found the money this person was trying to steal but also when we got to the scene of the crime all the paintings in the studio where missing with traces of ripped canvas”.
As the sun came up Mr Granger ran out to the studio where Darcey DeJewel was kidnapped, Mr Granger found the bag of money and took a coin in his hand and took his evidence bags out and dropped it in, suspiciously Mr Granger heard a ticking noise on and on like a gadget or machine of some sort but Mr Granger thought he was just going crazy.
“My hard thinking has shown it was Darcey’s arch rival Bella Adams”bellowed Mr Granger “We will start a search this afternoon”. The day went by slowly and all Mr Granger could hear was the ticking over and over he reached out over the desk and peeked at his watch and rushed out of the office putting all the evidence even the coin in his left pocket.
The sound of beeping occurred in Mr Grangers pocket he fished out his phone “hello” he said “ hello its Watson there is something you must see, we think Bella has struck again”.
The crime scene was quite obvious especially because Bella left a sticky note with a clue with it saying “tonight I will become the richest artist that ever lived” a single hair was accidentally on the back of the sticky note “Watson, do you still have that warehouse with all the gadgets we find on our cases”said Mr Granger.
They went to a strange bank on a street called harbour road.As they walked in they heard nothing “if we wait here Bella might come that tracking device should do the trick” Mr Granger could feel something on the back of the device though.
Hours shot by when after a huge while Mr Granger had figured out it was a set up and that some how Bella knew exactly what they where doing.
Mr Granger instantly thought of the ticking noise and his left pocket he took the bag with the coin in and threw it on the floor and stood on it he solved the case.
Mr Granger called a meeting in Watsons gadget warehouse but to keep hidden. As Mr Granger peered over one of the boxes he found a woman in a black mask he jumped over the boxes and quickly handcuffed her and sat her down “hello Bella or are you Bella Darcey DeJewel” bellowed Mr Granger as he swiped of her mask “you put the bag of money there on purpose because all of them had a hearing device on them so you knew where we where going and you ripped up fake paintings making us think someone had ripped up your work so we would blame someone who was against you in the art industry also the fake note obviously meant you where going somewhere that had a lot of money but we couldn’t figure that out so you heard we where going to a device warehouse which is here you got here before us to put a little microchip on the tracking devices back so it would send us to the wrong place but I brought an extra gadget you left some hair on the back of the fake note the gadget could get your DNA from your hair and it lead us to who really did it” bellowed Mr Granger “but what I haven’t figured out yet was why you did it” “ I did it because Bella has just been awarded a medal for her art so I framed her” grumbled Darcey as the police dragged her away never to be seen as a criminal again.
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it took 856 words to complete 🙂
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Kate, I was hooked by paragraph three. He was very astute to know it was Bella early on Kate. Go back and organise your work so that you every time you have a new speaker you start a new line. Great effort Kate. I think you like this genre. 5DJs
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A crime has been committed!!
Someone shot laying dead on the floor in a pool of blood!
Mrs Housefire shot in her sleep, Detective Jake Peralta was head detective on scene, No clues at the crime scene. But someone saw it he saw the murder cleaning up the crime scene after him, He was wearing a Bright blue top no blood. In the corner of the room, a bin, inside a shirt covered in blood. Mrs Housefire blood on it, then the witness said the person he saw looked extremely like her husband. A friend meet him just outside his house.
Sitting in the police station his friend said he saw blood on the hands of his friend. But the husban said That it was the other way round. “Who was it” Jake thought. He got a reveal as it was outside a apartment which had CCTV cought the husban leaving the house with his hands together. Then Jake knew. But no one know the police was in court geting a warrant on Mr Housefire. Fighting fighting. Then the most imported phone call They had find the gun. It was all that they needed.
The next day police raided the Housefire’s house Mr Housefire was taken into custody for murder. He was charge as gulty. The police had got the wrong person.
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Very dramatic. Short sentences give the whole thing lots of pace. Maybe slow it down with some complex sentences. Can you edit and revise please for spelling and punctuation.
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Professor Hartridge Missing!!!
On 3rd March 2011 Professor Hector Harry Hartridge, disappeared. That day had been a normal day for Detective Joe Felany – just the usual locking up criminals, when he got a phone call from the Chief of Police.
“Detective, we are led to believe that Professor Hartridge has been kidnapped and we need you on the case right away.”
“Yes Chief!” He replied.
“Meet me at my office ASAP!” The Chief had never been a man to waste time so when Felaney arrived at the Chief’s downtown office building he was ushered in immediately, given a quick but informative briefing by the Chief in his office, and then went straight to the scene.
When he arrived there was smashed glass, broken wood, books and papers strewn everywhere – so obviously the Professor had put up a good fight – but then Felany noticed writing scrawled on a message pad on the desk.
“Saxburg Square – number 15.”
Saxburg Square?
“I know that place!” thought Joe – it was near the Ugly Goose Pub. Suddenly his phone rang – it was the Chief again.
“Come back to headquarters, like now Felany, there is someone who wants to speak to you,” and with that Joe went back, driving as fast as he thought he could get away with. When he got there, Joe was jumped by a man in reception who said his name was Richard Dunne. Richard was emotional, he was rambling, and his words kept getting jumbled up.
“Whoa whoa slow down there buddy – you wanna coffee? Let’s go take a seat in room 1 and we can get this thing sorted out, just follow me…”
Richard didn’t want coffee, he wanted to talk. He told Joe he was the servant of Professor Hartridge. So, they went into the office of detective Felany and started to talk.
“Well what do you want to tell me so badly?” Joe asked
“That night when the Professor “disappeared” I heard another voice in the same room, and he was saying is it ready yet and then there was a lot of banging and smashing.” Explained Richard.
“Well thank you.” Answered Joe.
“Yes but another thing detective, he’s been going to Saxburg Square quite a lot recently so I don’t know if there is any relations but I think you should check it out.”
“That was some very important information from you that I needed to hear but has he been going to number 15?” asked
“Yes…”
So out went Mr. Dunne and Joe went to Saxburg Square to investigate. When he arrived he looked around and the square was… empty?
Joe knocked on the door of number 15 and when it was answered there was screams of a man and then Joe was shooed away by a man.
Something big was happening bigger than anything Joe has ever dealt with…
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Harry you are the master at selecting effective verb forms. Great use of commas and dashes for parentheses. I am very impressed with your shifts Harry-Joe from formal writing to informal writing these are created by using contractions in your dialogue and your use of every day language eg: whoa whoa slow down Buddy. This piece of wring is excellent and it is because you listen and apply your new understanding to your writing. Great job! Prize Box🏅
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THE MYSTERY OF THE STOLEN DELORIAN…
The year was 1985, and it was 5 after midnight in a town called Hill Valley. Nothing ever happened in Hill Valley, the population was 1000 and crime rate was zero!
The Owl was sat in his tree and a lone wolf scurried along the road side looking for road kill, then out of the blue SMASH! BANG! CRACK! Suddenly, everyone was woken up by the sound of fear.
“What on earth was that?” whispered Mr Brown to Mrs Brown?
All the town’s lights came on and the people of Hill Valley gathered in the street to find a strange looking vehicle, The Delorian.
“What the heck is that and were did it come from?” asked Mr Brown. A man in a long black coat stood in the doorway of the town’s bakery said in a husky voice replied “that’s the car from the year 2018 but you just don’t know it yet.”
The town’s police man came to investigate what was going on, as he stood there scratching his head and walking around the strange looking car, the man in the long black coat grabbed the car door handle and climbed in. He turned the key and locked the doors. A nearby policeman shouted at the man but the man just laughed at him. He quickly put the car into first gear and sped off into the night never to be seen again.
As years went on, the town still talked about that night to folks passing through. They all just listened and went on with their day to day stuff. Until one day as Mr Brown’s grandson was watching the TV (a new film had came out) it was called ‘Back to the future.’ The boy watched and he called over to his grandad to sit with him. They both watched the film and suddenly out of the Sky TV box…a DeLorian appeared. The exact one that was last seen in the town twelve years ago. Mr Brown couldn’t believe his eyes, that was car I saw 12 years ago. “quick get your Grandma, quick quick.”
Mr Brown called a town meeting to discuss what was going on. Unknown to him and the rest of the town, the policeman who was on duty that night had been investigating this for over 12 years. He had files and photos on this case but without success of finding out anything. This was the start of a new case, possibly the biggest case in the history of Hill Valley.
As the newspapers got wind that something was happening in the town, media and Tv crews were called in to interview people and ask them what they had seen. As each person told their accounts of events not one story was the same as the last. Was this all in their heads or was it real? As the weeks passed by the TV crews went away.
One night out of the blue, a lone man in a black coat entered the bar and told the story about a time-machine and a car. But unknown to him he was talking to the policeman. And this is where it all begins.
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Great Daniel. You could write a sequel and tell me how the policeman solves the case. You have worked really hard on your story. Well done. Prize Box🙂
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